Funny. Not as in ha ha, but as in ironic. That I should blog about being transparent, and then end my day so poorly yesterday. It's like I was haunted by own words when I contemplated today's post. And, I knew I couldn't hide the truth of it. The day started well enough, but I completely imploded by the end.

Somewhere between helping a child with homework, an increasing headache, a sick husband, no dinner plan, and laundry list of tasks interrupted every two seconds by a very chatty child...I unraveled. It wasn't pretty. The undoing came on the heels of a child who whined about how nothing looked good for dinner. I let said child know to either allow me fix something or go get something, but please decide. Then it happened. If I wasn't faced with my own demise when child retorted that I shouldn't take out my frustration on them. Touche. I agreed with this statement, and then clarified what I was frustrated about that was the child's responsibility. We both apologized and forgave each other, and ran to grab some dinner. (Note of clarification: I am not generally a short order cook for dinner. One of those weird nights....ya know, I just needed you to know).

As we drove home, the child expressed how sorry they were about the incident. I agreed, and explained that sometimes we feel anger--and we both have to watch how that's expressed. I tried to throw in a quick teaching moment about how anger isn't a sin, but losing our temper is, and it's something I need to work on, too. I still went to bed feeling lousy about it and didn't sleep well at all.

Somewhere in those late night thoughts and sleeplessness, I remembered that God's mercies are new every day. (Lamentations 3:23). I felt challenged again to accept God's grace. I am super hard on myself and God has been challenging me lately to embrace his grace for my shortcomings. I love how Louie Giglio describes it--God is not offended by our humanity. Neither is he surprised by it. I need to have more grace on myself. It will help me to pour love over a multitude of sins--like a whiney child at the end of a hard day. I've come to see that until I can truly accept God's grace for my perfectionistic self, I won't be able to extend it completely.

INTENTIONAL challenge: I struggle to accept God's unmerited favor and mercy for myself. Is there an area of your life where you are having a hard time accepting God's forgiveness? I love the lyrics of Tenth Avenue North's current song: You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade. Friend, as I say this to myself--I offer it as a challenge to you, too. What do you wrestle with that you need to allow God to cover with His grace and forgiveness? We need to be released from it!