The Heaviest Excess You'll Ever be Freed From

8:48 AMHeather

Life is hard. Yes, call me Captain Obvious. We get bruised and beat up on a daily basis--and often by each other. We unknowingly--or knowingly--inflict pain and wounds on each other. Stabbing each other in the back. Or in more subtle ways when we lack consideration or compassion or sympathy. In this battle that we call life, we are all wounded warriors.

Yesterday, as I was once again pondering the idea of freedom from excess, God zapped me a big one. I suddenly felt a conviction of the biggest and hardest excess that I often refuse to acknowledge. Much less work to be freed from.

Before I say anything else, I am telling you to watch this video. GO. I'm being the boss of you now. Take the time to watch it. Because it says way more than I ever could.

Do not read further if you have not watched it. I MEAN IT! (said in my stern Mama voice...and I'd use your middle name if I knew it).

Okay. Now, I'm going to assume you all watched it. Forgiveness. Ugh. Yes, did I have to mention that? Because purging clothes is hard enough. But, good grief, it's way easier than purging unforgiveness.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got." Robert Brault

Talk about entitlement. For me, nothing cuts to the heart of my sense of my rights than when they are violated or ignored or abused. I deserve better, by golly. And, thus, I begin the journey of dragging along this excess baggage of bitterness and unforgiveness. Because my sense of "justice" rationalizes that I am right, after all. Even though it means the closet of my heart is bulging from the weight of all that I drag around.

And, I like to think it doesn't REALLY impact me negatively. Because I am oh-so-justified in my feelings. I mean, I can't be a door mat, right? Boundaries are healthy. While this is true, it can also be a huge deceit. Because boundaries acknowledge a past or a pattern that means fences need to be built for our own benefit in the future. Boundaries can be God honoring. But, boundaries DON'T mean we drag around the weight of unforgiveness as we build our fences.

In my typical fashion, I vividly remember a concept from a Beth Moore study I did ages ago. I am vague on the exact details, however. I THINK it might have been Breaking Free or the Living Beyond Yourself. In any event, Beth Moore's point was that the word picture in the original language for unforgiveness indicates the idea of tying a dead body to your back and dragging it along. Yep, a decaying, stinking dead body. Tied to you. Doesn't hurt that body. It's dead, remember? But, the decay will eventually set in and impact you. And it won't be good, my bloggy friends.

Oh my gravy, I don't know about you, but that is convicting. Because if there's any excess I need to chunk, it's a stinking nasty dead body.

Forgiveness. A nice, pretty Sunday School word for a nearly impossible task. Scratch that. I mean, a truly impossible task. Without God, that is. That is indeed a God sized task. So, if you've had your fill of dragging around some dead decaying nasty old unforgiveness, then join me here in my journey toward freedom from excess.

Drop to your knees. Tell the Lord you are willing to be willing. Or you want to maybe think about cutting your unforgiveness loose because it sounds like a good idea? But, you aren't sure how and you aren't even 100% you're ready to release it completely. To be perfectly honest. It's a starting place. And, P.S. God already knows your heart anyway, so just be real with Him. And today, as you think on that hurt and that bitterness, just ask Him to help you see how freeing it would be to let it go. And, ask Him to show you how. Minute by minute, be willing to wrestle it through with Him. I've found myself thinking on that quote about accepting the apology never offered. When I think of the hurts inflicted upon me, I've asked the Lord to help me accept an apology that they may never offer. I've asked him to remind me that He is the defender of my cause. I've been asking Him to help me overlook offenses--in fact, to never even see them in the first place.

And, I've been asking Him to really help me get how much He has forgiven me. To help me wrap my brain around the grace I've been given in new and fresh and life changing way. I've been letting Him know that I need to remember that it's His lovingkindness that leads to repentence. I'm asking Him to help me live as though I am loved by the God of all Creation. That I'd grasp that love and live it out--offering forgiveness and all. To be changed by love to action. Rather than trying to earn love through actions.

Glimpse of GRACE: Wow. When I think about my word for 2012--GRACE--I think this blog post hits to the heart of it all. And, I marvel at the curvy road I've been on these last 9 months as I've intentionally studied grace. Grace is unmerited favor. Being given something you don't deserve. Um, yes. How about the forgiveness of a Loving and Good Father through the sacrifice of His only Son? And, yet, I drag around my dead and decaying bodies of unforgiveness, and it's a wonder I can take a step forward with the weight of all those bodies piling up.

Think I may need to watch that video a few times today and memorize that song. Because it sums it all up. Forgiveness. To love the unlovable. To do the impossible. To accept an apology never offered and to free myself from the prison of bitterness. Freedom from excess.

The Call to be Wild

10:34 AMHeather

Radical by David Platt. One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer. Those are the two studies I'm in the midst of currently. I honestly am not TRYING to be a spiritual giant by completing two Bible studies at once. It just happened that way. The truth is, these two studies are having quite the opposite effect from proving how amazingly Godly I am. They seem to be the agents of some great conspiracy to awaken me to how far I have to go. To how much God loves me. To how I need to be motivated and awed by that love. And, I need to put feet to it by being changed. RADICALLY. So that I can be one in a million.

Both these studies are dove tailing together, in a way only God can do. They repeat the same themes, albeit in different ways, each week. And, if there's one thing I've learned from walking with God all these years, it's this. If He's telling me something, I better listen. If He's telling me the same thing twice, I really better listen.

One in a million is the study of the Exodus. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure why she chose that name--one in a million. Until the first video. She explains that two million Israelites were delivered from Canaan. Two million of God's chosen people found themselves suddenly released from the shackles of slavery.   Two million were led by a pillar of fire and by clouds. Two million stepped through the parted Red Sea. Guess how many of those two million actually stepped foot into the Promised Land?

Two. Yep. Just two. She thus presents the challenge to be the one in a million in our generation who will shrug off the captivity of our culture and walk into abundant living. As David Platt would say--who wants to be radical? Not just following the status quo. But, freeing ourselves from it to seek God with radical abandonment and obedience in order to discover radical living.

I love this quote from Priscilla Shirer, "One of the most gracious things the Lord has done for me is to strategically place individuals in my life who help me on my journey into Canaan...I am carefully holding fast to those [friends] whose pursuit of God encourages my own. I call them my 'wild women.' "

The journey is always easier when we have a buddy, right? Joshua had Caleb and vice versa as they entered that Promised Land. We need an amiga, compadre, companion. The road to radical can be lonely. So many are unwilling to traverse the truly brutal and beautiful road to fierce intimacy with our Savior. Many are happy to attend on Sundays, sit in the pews, and maybe do a Bible study here and there. It's a minority that says, "it's not enough! I want to learn to give all of me so I can all of You." It's precious few that dig into the Word in such depth that they allow their lives to be mirrored in the truths and challenges they find there.

I don't know about you, but I need me some wild women. To be sure, I am blessed to have some in my life. And, it makes all the difference. We need a friend we can call on with a struggle who presses us in our walk with Christ rather than pacifies us with an answer that tickles the ears. We need a friend willing to speak the truth in love, sit through the muck and the mire, wipe away the tears, and cheer lead us all along the way. We need us some women so wild for God that it's contagious. It makes us want what they have. We need to be intentional to carve out time to cultivate these types of relationships. And, we need to be those wild women who are willing to dig in deep and walk through the trenches together through every wildnerness it might take to reach abundant intimacy with God.

We were made for relationship. It was God's design from the very beginning. I don't know about you, but I don't think God meant for us to offer a pleasant greeting and suggestion we do lunch sometime. I think God meant for us to put it on the calendar and do it. To spend time together, sharing honestly--even the hard stuff. I don't think God meant for Eve to be a superficial, pleasant and distant companion for Adam. In fact, we know he meant for them to share an intimacy and closeness that left no subject off limits.

Glimpse of GRACE: In our crazy busy, running at the speed of life, instant gratification society, I believe we are missing the point completely. We are so connected to technology that we are disconnected from each other. I think I was born in the wrong century sometimes. Not that I'd want to churn my own butter, but I wouldn't mind being a pioneer woman sitting with my quilting bee, discussing anything and everything in the world with a circle of woman I could count on, through thick and thin. No television. No radio. No cell phones. No distractions. I wouldn't mind a friend popping in for a cup of sugar and staying through a cup of coffee and then some. What about you? Are you surrounded by women, yet yearning for soul connection? Do you need some wild women? Don't forget--Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Proverbs 13:20

Turn off the radio and the television and silence the cell phone. Now listen. Do you hear that? It's the call to be wild.

Becoming a Recovering Clothes Horse

11:18 AMHeather

If you've been following along here for about a week than you know that over and again I've been gleaning wisdom about freeing myself (and my family) from excess. We are hearing a call to be radical, to be different, to be content with less so that we can be meeting the needs of those in poverty. Basically, we've been facing the ugly truth that we are spoiled brats. Not only do we have a roof over our heads, but it's a rather nice one, too. With rooms we don't even use on a daily basis. And, we have never wondered where our next meal comes from. Because trying to decide where to eat out does NOT count. We are living in a culture of discontent that sucks us in all too frequently.

And, we are realizing it's time to do differently. It's time to release ourselves from entitlement. I'm not sure of the journey ahead. But, I can share with you our steps along the way. I've heard from many of you that you, too, are feeling the same pressing conviction. It's one thing to WANT to do something, and quite another to do it. Today, is more practice advice for you on a step we are taking. We are working to rid ourselves of excess in our closets. I hope you'll join me in this challenge!

This past Sunday, we dragged four trash bags of clothes into our church's donations bins for a ministry to nearby apartments. No need to pat ourselves on the back. Quite the contrary. Our closets are still bulging. You could look into any closet and NOT see a difference. I'm not saying we should whittle it down to one set of clothes and a spare. But, we can certainly do with even less. Today, I'm sharing some ideas on how to become a recovering clothes horse. (Besides that first step of admitting you have a problem).

1. Take a clothes inventory. A few years ago, we were on our journey to be free from debt (other than our house). Of course, at that pivotal time, all three children had outgrown nearly all of their clothes. Sorta on a whim, I decided to make a list of what they REALLY needed. I mean, REALLY. How many pairs of undies do they need? How many pairs of socks? How many school outfits--shorts and t-shirts? And, truly--just how many clothes for church? The results for me were eye opening. I realized my boys don't NEED a dressy outfit. When those rare occasions came (weddings and funerals), we could work it out then. Because they really only wear cargo shorts or jeans and a collared shirt. There's REALLY only 7 days in a week. They do not need 31 outfits for each day of the month. Because we have this handy invention called a washing machine.

Pretty convicting stuff, folks. To really sit down and think about the basics. For yourself, too, ladies. How many t-shirts, nicer shirts, sweaters, jeans, shoes, etc. do you REALLY need?

Step two here is to see what you currently have. Hmm, yes. You may have a rather embarrassing light bulb moment when you realize how much you truly have versus what you really need. Consider it part of the growing pains of releasing yourself from entitlement. This journey is all about letting go.

2. The one season rule. Here in Texas, we have basically two seasons. Hot and "sweater weather" when it dips down below 70. If you've lived here long enough, you have your summer clothes and your fall clothes. As you start to purge the excess, remember the one season rule. If you have not worn that t-shirt, tank top, or other hot weather gear in one full season of said weather, let it go. If you have not worn that sweater or pair of jeans through one fall and winter, then let it go. Truly. If we have gone through an entire season of hot or cold and never put on that garment, do you really need it?

3. Hanger trick. I saw this on Pinterest and loved the idea. Nope, I haven't done it yet, but I do intend to. Turn all your hangers backwards. When you wear a garment and then go to hang it back up, turn that hanger the right way. After a few weeks, you'll begin to realize what you truly wear and what you never wear. Might be a good clue as to which items you can let go.

4. If it don't fit, don't let it sit. This is an easy one when it comes to my kids. It's a top criteria, of course. When they were little, I learned to put a large rubber maid in the top of their closets. When they went to put on something that no longer fit, I tossed it in the rubber maid. When the bin was full, time to gather into a trash bag and donate. But, with us mamas, this is a harder one to implement, isn't it? Most of us have a variation of sizes in our closets. I myself was put on medication eighteen months ago that has made me gain weight. I'm now a size or two larger than before. That is frustrating. I'd like to think I could squeeze back into those cute cargo pants I bought on clearance. But, I am trying to tell myself--why be taunted?! I know some people buy or keep a "goal" garment--an item in their goal weight as incentive. Here, I am talking about not letting multiple items clutter up your closet. Truth is--there is someone in need today who wears that size right now. So, as painful as it is, will you join me in gritting your teeth, accepting your body as God made it today, and remembering--if it doesn't fit, don't let it sit.

5. One item in, one item out. This is a favorite tip of my MIL and my dear friend, Vicky. Vicky moved from a modest Dallas home to a typical New York City apartment. She learned by experience how to have a versatile and functional wardrobe (and adorable as well) by making the most of the items in her closet. She learned to make her clothes work for her. A wonderfully simple mentality. Her rule of thumb was and still is that when she brings a new item into the closet, one item must go out. This is a great approach to maintaining a closet for any recovering clothes horse! Going back to step one and your clothes inventory. If you really only need 3 good dresses, then when you buy a new one, get rid of the one least used. If you really only need 5 cami's or tanks for layering, then replace them as needed and ditch the old one.

I love Pinterest for oh so many reasons. But, it is a double edged sword. Because, in case you haven't noticed, it is a breeding ground for discontent. I have to be careful with my "fashionista dreams" board, lest I get sucked into the entitlement and discontent. I am TRYING to approach it with fresh criteria. I am TRYING to pin ideas of outfits to try with the items I already have. Or, to pin those great ideas of how to mix and match a few basic pieces. Just like anything--it can work for you or against you. I hope that these ideas will all work for you. I hope that you will join me in becoming a recovering clothes horse! Just think of how nice it is to live simply. Just remember how little those around the world live with right now. It might motivate you to implement these 5 tips today. Purge away, bloggy friends! Take the challenge with me.

Make it Monday: Fall Monogram Door Hanger

8:44 AMHeather

Practical Tips to Turn from Entitlement

8:51 AMHeather

So, as I stated yesterday, there is this recurring theme in my life--particularly emphasized these last few days--about dealing with entitlement. Entitlement says "I deserve it! It's my right." And, if we are followers of Jesus Christ, we know that the gospel rests on the fact that Jesus denied every right he ever had on OUR behalf. Are we not called to do the same? And, if you aren't a follower of Jesus Christ, can I just point out that a spirit of entitlement is ugly. It seems to be self-serving. But, it's a bitter cycle, fueled by discontent, which in the end, is actually self-defeating. Because there will never be enough.

As I've meditated on this call to free myself from excess, to be changed and respond to the plight of the poor, it leads to the question of HOW? What does this look like? How do I actually do something about it rather than just embrace the idea of it? If you are joining me on this road, you want these answers as well. Here's what I have for you individually. But, these are also great ideas to do with your children.

1. Purge. Ask God to give you wisdom to show you what you can REALLY do without. Bag it up and find a place to donate it where it will benefit those in need. In fact, for the month of September, I'll make it super easy on you. Take your clothes donations to the Church at the Cross in Grapevine. In October, you can take toys--new and gently used. In November, it's all about food. This Freedom from Excess emphasis at our church will go directly to benefit the people from the apartments on Mustang Drive in Grapevine. Our church works within the community there, to reach out to the residents who are in need. Purging will give you a greater sense of all the excess you have. How much you've been blessed with. Personally, I find it a ridiculous statement on my discontent when I can bag up 4 huge trash bags of clothes (and still going) and hardly even notice anything is missing from my overflowing closets.

2. Intentionally, be grateful. I've been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Great read about the practice of gratitude. This is something even a young child can grasp. Start a list of 1000 gifts with your kids in a journal or on a large poster board you hang in the house. Pray together, as a family, for eyes to see things to be grateful for. Gratitude and discontent cannot coexist.

3. Start a giving jar. I plan to make mine today. I intend to go to Hobby Lobby and buy a large jar (with my 40% off coupon) that I decorate. It will sit on our kitchen desk. And, we will look for ways, as a family, to do without in order to give more. When we think about going for Yogurt Story, we'll opt out, and place the $12 we would have spent into the giving jar. When we go to the movies, we'll skip the concessions. And place the $343 (just kidding) in the giving jar. We are seriously considering cutting our cable as a way to cut back and give us more freedom to give more. There's a million little ways to fill up that jar. Throw in your change or your $1 bills. When the jar is full, my intent is that we, as a family, prayerfully decide where to send the money.

4. Get informed. I'm starting this process. Just how much does my dollar stretch in the world? What is the relative worth of the money I can spend too casually? For instance, did you know that you can feed a homeless person a Thanksgiving meal through Union Gospel Mission in Fort Worth for less than $2? My intention is to really dive into some research on the costs of helping others. I think it would go a long way in our family to appreciate our blessings when we realize how little it takes for us to bless others. And, along these lines, I think there is much we can do to educate ourselves on the plight of others around the world. In our information age, there are websites, documentaries, books and such to help us truly grasp the condition of others in the world.

5. Shop with a cause. I plan to grab Jen Hatmaker's book "7" as soon as possible. I've now heard about 4 times in 3 days that it's a must read about being freed from excess and growing a passion for the plight of the poor. But, one thing I know without reading the book is that Jen challenges others to go a step beyond being a budget shopper. Instead, use your dollars for a cause. Help those in poverty by buying goods that directly help the poor in the world. One website I know of is Come Together Trading. How about doing your Christmas shopping through such vendors? There are some amazing products on that website. Made by those in poverty all around the world who have learned a trade to help them get out of their situation. Or, how about some super cute pajamas from Punjammies? The darling products are made from women who have been rescued from sex trafficking. There's certainly more out there. But, there a couple of places to start.

6. Get your hands dirty. Volunteer. Yep, at a homeless shelter like Beautiful Feet Ministries in Fort Worth. If you are like me, you were kinda hoping I wouldn't go there. Because that makes it real personal. But, do something. Be part of the Super Kids program through Church at the Cross. It's an after school program on Mondays to help the children from the apartments at Mustang Drive. There's a jillion ways to get involved in all sorts of capacities. Sort clothes at GRACE in Grapevine. Sort shoes at Buckner for their Shoes for Orphan Soles program. Of course, have a party to collect new socks and shoes, and when you deliver them to Buckner, arrange to help in their warehouse. (this leads me to the next one....)

7. Party for a cause. For your child's birthday parties, do a donation party instead of having the guests bring gifts. THIS really gets to the heart of entitlement and giving in your kids. Have guests bring new teddy bears for Bear the Burden. They go to children who have just been removed from their homes by the authorities due to abuse or neglect. Or, the shoes idea previously mentioned. If you want guests to bring money--send a blank envelope with the invitation. They can give monetarily whatever amount they want for your expressed cause, and no one has to know how much as the envelopes are all tossed into a basket.

8. Blessings Bags. I saw this on Pinterest and love this idea. Time to actually DO it. The idea is to put together gallon size baggies with all sorts of practical little gifts (think dollar store and trial sizes) and keep them in the car. When you see a homeless person on the corner, hand them this bag. Might I suggest you hand write a little note to place in the bag, too, telling them you did this because you are motivated by God's love and you want them to know He loves them, too? And include a small pocket Bible?

9. Pray. Stating the obvious here. But, really make it a matter of individual, couple and family prayer to ask God to break your heart for what breaks his. For eyes to see the bigger picture of how blessed you are and how big the needs of others are. For wisdom to know what to do differently, how to help, how to get involved. Pray to love him and know him more, which will naturally lead to working out your faith in more radical ways. Decide the status quo isn't enough, and bath it in prayer to know where to go next.

My OCD would love to round this out to a top ten list. But, this is what I have for you today. We all have a choice to make. We can press forward, in our materialistic world of discontent, thinking we are entitled to every bit we have and more. We can do the minimal and give on occasion and call it a day. Or, we can decide that THIS approach makes us discontent because we realize we have more to give, more to do, much to be thankful for. I'd love company on this road I'm traveling, to free myself from excess, to be changed by the a Savior who loved me to death, to care for the needs of others. Will you join me?

Turning From Entitlement

8:46 AMHeather

One of my broken record mantras this summer to my children had to do with being grateful for what we have. To quit asking for more. To stop seeing "more" as a right. Yes, I do believe in my ranting and raving my children heard the word "entitled" a few times. My husband and I have shaken our heads, wondering how this sense of entitlement has crept its way into my children's mentality. We honestly have worked hard to be counter cultural here. But then again--don't we all honestly have that sense of entitlement as part of our flesh nature that we wrestle against?

As I've prayerfully considered how to handle this, attack this issue with more gusto and effectiveness in our home, a one word remedy comes to mind. Gratitude. Yes, that's it! Chris and I want to be more intentional to infuse our home with gratitude. Being more intentional to point out all the ways God has blessed us...to turn our wanting to thanking instead. Just about that time, I saw this on Pinterest.

I love it. A visual and statistical reminder of all we have to combat the feeling of "all we want." I intend to print and post this in our home. And, we've worked harder to discuss at the dinner table what we are thankful for each day. We've been working to ask our children to see how God intersected their day with His blessings and goodness. Our bedtime prayers have become more focused on the tiny little things to be thankful for.

Lest I pat myself on the back for all my fabulous parenting, I've been reminded repeatedly this week that it's not enough. It's not enough to hold hands and count our blessings. It's not enough to shift slightly from all we want to being thankful for all we have. No, it's not enough because it still keeps a blind eye to the hard truths that Christ wants us to embrace.

He wants us to recognize the need in the world and have a heart for the poor. Not just a feeling of reading those above statistics and thinking, "Oh, that's so sad." No, He wants us to know the faces behind them. To hold the hands of those who represent them. To get our hands and feet dirty by serving and meeting the needs of the poor. The Bible is overflowing with passages about experiencing God's love and being changed by it so that we turn our attention to those who have great need for it. Not just in their hearts, but whose very lives are desperate and broken and hungry...and in need.

It's a hard pill to swallow to realize how shallow I can be. To realize how our culture, and yes even our churches, can often bury our heads in the sand to the plight of the poor in the world. But, I cannot deny that God is lighting a spark in my heart to this issue. I have no idea where he intends to take me, or how this will play out. But, there's no denying He has something He wants me to hear.

You know, when you sit in church on Sunday morning and a new initiative called, "Freedom from Excess" is introduced. With specific ways to weed out our excess and bring it to to the church to be distributed personally to those in need just a mile away. Not just dropping off goods at a local ministry or organization. Nope, a chance to be the ones to hand them to those in need in our community and to serve them a meal and to meet real needs physically and spiritually. Or, how about six hours later, as you sit in Life Group and hear David Platt speak passionately about waking up, America, and being radically abandoned to the cause of Christ! That includes finding ways to radically change the way we view and help those in need. Having a global perspective and being willing to go out into the world, as God would lead.

Glimpse of GRACE: Yes, indeed. In the last few days, I've felt a call to action. God is speaking to me in repetition to turn from entitlement. Not just by being grateful. But, by putting legs to it by intentionally seeking out opportunities to meet the needs of those who represent the statistics from that pretty little chart. I don't know yet how this will all play out, but I hope you'll be part of it with me.

We are starting at the beginning here. We are weeding through our excess to gather clothes and such that our church will distribute to those in our community. I want us to sign up to be part of meeting those people in person, as a family, and distributing the items they need. We are prayerfully considering how we can do with less so that we can give more. Our plan is to put a jar in our home, and every time we opt out of going out to eat or going for ice cream, we put that dollar amount in the giving jar instead. We are asking God to show us how to take our family on an international mission trip, and a seed of an idea has been planted. We are, as David Platt challenged us to do, asking God to help us lay it all out on the table and be willing to surrender what He asks of us.

Entitlement is all in the news right now, in political debates and such. Today, that is not the entitlement I am talking about. I am talking about that part of our heart that feels we have a right to whatever we want. I'm talking about that sense of discontent because there's something we don't have. I'm talking about getting real and gut checking ourselves, and taking our children along for the ride. It's time. It's time to be willing to give more and do more. And in so doing, experience more of our Savior as we dig deeper.

Your Daddy's Lap

9:36 AMHeather

I sat in the recliner, barely awake, when I heard all sorts of stomping from the master bathroom, directly over my head. The commotion got louder, but I decided to let it go for the moment, knowing my daughter was trying to do her own pony tail. My son went up to "help" and then I heard yelling. That was my cue.

I passed my son in the hallway muttering his frustration to himself. I walked into my bathroom to find her, face red and tears streaming down her little cheeks. Utter frustration. Pure aggravation. I stepped toward her and she declared stubbornly, "I. WANT. TO. DO. IT. MYSELF." Hmmm. Yeah, how's that working for you? I bit my tongue to avoid that sarcastic comment slipping out. I stood and watched her. She was determined to be independent and to fix her own hair. I watched helplessly as the effort was simply too much for her in her current state of mind. I weighed my options. My natural response was to react to her frustration with some of my own. It's just hair, for pete's sake. But, I was able to avoid that reaction, and instead breathed a quick prayer.

And, then I made my move. I gently stepped toward her, quietly whispering in her ear that she certainly could do her own ponytail, no question. But, right now, she was just too frustrated. I kept my voice low and gentle, as I asked her to let me help her this once, and then, when she is calm, we'll have a fun hair tutorial. She resisted initially, but I calmly wrapped her in my arms. I kissed her tears away and looked her in the eye and reminded her I love her. I said, "Just this once! You CAN do this, but now is not the right time. Let me help you. Then, later, when you aren't so frustrated, I'll teach you!" She seemed to weigh her options and finally relented.

I quickly moved the brush through her hair and pulled it into a pony tail. Her tears and frustration were still overwhelming her, wracking her body with deep sobs. So, I pulled her into my room, into my chair, and placed her in my lap. I wrapped her up in my arms, and rubbed her back in wide circles. I whispered encouragement in her ears and breathed deeply so that she might imitate me. It took a while, but I was able to soothe her into calmness, telling her over and again that I loved her, that I hated for her to be so frustrated, and that at the right time, she COULD do her hair herself.

It was a profound moment, to be sure. I was drinking her in, realizing that my 8-year-old would all too soon feel too mature for such cuddling. I related to her frustration and her desire to be independent. I saw myself in her. Because I like to do for myself, too. I don't like to ask for help.

Glimpse of GRACE: And, in that moment when the sobs calmed down and her breathing began to return to normal, and she wound her arms around me, I knew. I knew that I am my daughter. I knew that I wind myself up, determined to do for myself, in my own way, refusing help. And, I create my own frenzy in those moments. I want to do it my way. Even when it's not working. Even when I'm beyond my own abilities. And, my Abba Father stands nearby, eager to help. Eager to step in and do what I cannot do on my own. And, I create my own problems when I succumb to my frenzied attempts that end in failure rather than call to Him to step in and fix it for me. My Abba Father longs to pull me into his lap, to hold me close, to whisper words of affirmation. He longs to rub my back and sing over me and quiet me with his love (Zephaniah 3:17). He is whispering, "I'm here. Let me do it. Give me control. I've got this. Let me show myself capable!" But, I'm too busy stomping around, crying and frustrated by own stubborn independence. I won't hand it over. I just won't. Because I want to do it my way. Will I surrender control, melt into His arms, and let Him show His power and His faithfulness? Will I succumb to that sweet moment of connection, sitting in His lap, being quieted by my Abba? Oh, that I would. That I would get myself out of the way and embrace my dependence on my Powerful Almighty Father.

Make it Monday: Cheap and Easy Curtains

7:51 AMHeather

Aw, Pinterest. How you do tease and tempt me to find time for all your goodies. Once school started around here, I couldn't wait to FINALLY have time to dive into a project I've been wanting to do for quite some time. New kitchen curtains!

Here's the finished product.

I was inspired by a pin that was no-sew easy curtains from a Target tablecloth--a faux Roman shade. Except for one problem. Target didn't have hardly any tableclothes, and certainly none that were inspiring enough for my kitchen. So, I moved into "plan B" mode. This crafter ALWAYS has a plan B. I stood in Target and thought,"what else has a lot of fabric for not much money?" I searched the shower curtains and ended up in the curtain panel aisle. And there they were. The black and white graphic print that I'd envisioned.

I grabbed two of those bad boys, totaling $40 for my purchase. I'd measured my windows, and figured it should be enough for the 6 window valances I'd hoped to make.

Let me give you the before, by the way. I inherited my former kitchen curtains from the previous owners.

Nice enough. Waverly even. But, I'm coming to embrace that my Army brat childhood means that about every 4 years, I need a change. If that doesn't involve a move, then it's time to redecorate. Even small changes can make a big difference.

So, here's what I did to make these. Again, loosely based on a pinterest idea, I came up, no surprise, with my own plan B method.

1. Measure the width of the window. I added about a 1/2 inch to each side--or extra 1" to each window total. I also measured about how far down I wanted these to hang, which was about 30" total per window. (A bit less on my glass door). NOTE: If you are hanging yours on a tension rod INSIDE your window, your measurements will only need to add for seam allowance on each side so that your panel hangs inside the window!

2. I cut the fabric to the measured sizes for all 6 windows, allowing for about another 1/4 to 1/2 inch seam all around. Because these were curtain panels, I tried to use the top pocket or bottom hem for each of my panels because then I already had me a handy-dandy pocket for the curtain rod. In order to stretch the fabric, I did have to create my own rod pocket for a window or two--so be sure and measure that allowance out when you are cutting your panels.

3. Using hem tape, I made sure each of my 6 panels had a top rod pocket if I had to create that myself, and a nice little hem at the bottom and on the sides.

4. You should now have a long rectangle, hemmed panel for each of your windows, with a rod pocket at the top. I then used my iron to create two wide pleats toward the bottom of each panel--mimicking how a roman shade might look when drawn up.

5. I laid out my panels by each other so that these pleats were fairly even on all 6 panels. Once I heavy starched in the pleats with my iron, I then took the no-sew route and used MORE hem tape to adhere the pleat on the front and the back of each panel. You could stitch it instead...but if you are like me, that's a lot of effort to drag out that sewing machine.

6. Once my pleats were hem-tapped in on each panel, I just put the rod through the top pocket and they were ready to hang! I suggest you use a tension rod for your panels, but I wanted to use the curtain rods already hung in my kitchen. Potato, Patato. But, since my rods jut out about 3", I had to add in a little panel to the side of each curtain to cover that area, too.

7. After my panels were hung, I thought they needed a little something. So, I grabbed some black grosgrain ribbon and wound a long bit of it over the curtain rod and then tied the two ends dangling into a bow. I liked how this cinched up the panel a little, adding a little more to the overall look.

I decided that in the 3 windows above the sink, it just needed the bow in the center panel. I left the side panels to hang straight.

P.S. There really is a 6th window. Well it's actually my glass door and I somehow didn't get a picture of that curtain.

This really isn't too hard, and I think $40 for 6 windows is a bargain. This project took me about the length of 2 movies to do, so only about 3 hours. I love the new look! If you give it a try, I'd love to see your finished product. Happy Crafting!

For the Frenzied, Seeking Peace

11:05 AMHeather

When I think about when I've felt most panicked and the most out of control, it is probably four years ago when my husband had a huge health scare. I was at the movies with some friends. Chris called to tell me he wasn't feeling well. Ten minutes later, I got a second call asking me to come home. I sent a friend to our house to keep our kids as I made my way home to take Chris to the ER. Driving home quickly, I got a third call that raised the hair on my neck. My friend Beth had gotten to my home, taken one look at my husband, and felt she needed to call an ambulance.

The next hour was the definition of chaos, feeling out of control, panicked. My mind raced because my worst fear felt as though it could be coming true. I was afraid I could become a young widow. I was envisioning my world turning upside down. And, there, in those moments, I found comfort in the presence of my level headed and encouraging friends. I felt the promise of peace because of how peaceful they were, as we sat in the ER exam room while the doctors looked at my husband. Their lack of panic was contagious. In their kindness and strength, I found peace.

This summer, I found a verse that made me rethink everything I've ever thought about God and His peace. I realized that I'd always considered God's peace like that I got from my friends in those dark, scary moments.

But, here's the thing. I've always considered that in my dark, deepest pit moments in life, God gives out peace. In those frenzied trials, it often feels like a hide and seek game. If I only plead with him enough or beg in just the right way, then He will give me peace. And, hopefully, enough of it to override my fears. He is the giver of peace, right? So, mother may I, pretty please? And, honestly, in those moments, peace often feels elusive because I don't feel I've received it or because my fears and anxieties seem too much for any peace to come.

Glimpse of GRACE: But, this mentality misses one very important truth. And it's a key truth. "The Lord is peace." Judges 6:24 I had to read that one a few times to let it soak in. Do you see the distinction? Not only does God GIVE peace, but he IS peace. The Lord IS peace. It doesn't just describe him or something he gives...it IS him. There, in Judges 6, Gideon had an encounter with the Lord, and thus built him an altar, declaring the Lord IS peace. This subtle distinction means big things to me. When I am uneasy, facing unrest, not only can I ask God to give me peace, but I can find peace when I find the Lord. When He gives peace, he is giving himself. Because He is peace. I can lean in, seek Him, ask Him to reveal Himself to me, and there I will find peace. In God's presence, peace reigns. It's not just a gift he gives. It's also the very nature of who He is. I can seek out peace from him, to be sure. But, even more importantly, why not cut to the chase? When I seek out HIM, peace will come. Quit putting the cart before the horse. Boy, I do this often! I seek patience, I seek love, I seek gentleness, I seek peace, I seek self-control. I ask and ask the Lord to give me all these things. How about just seeking the LORD? Because my Father IS all of those fruits of the Spirit, those character traits, those things that I want more of within me. He IS each of them. Such a simple idea. Such truth to change my frenzied approach to this faith walk. Focus on just seeking Him. All else will follow. Because He IS all else.

To Wives Everywhere

8:40 AMHeather

This past Sunday was 22 years since my first date with my husband. It's always fun to think back on those early days when I worked so hard at winning and keeping my man's affections.

And, it's also convicting. Because I have a confession to make. In these years of working full-time, and then mothering full-time, I tend to let my husband fall to the bottom of the list. When I'm operating in "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" mentality with all the demands on me, it's rather easy to neglect the man who demands little and gives so much.

I'm very blessed with a husband who routinely asks what he can do for me. Servant-hearted doesn't begin to cut the description of my husband. He's a rare breed, and I am one blessed girl. Yet, still, I can be rather neglectful in working at our relationship. And, I know I'm not alone in that.

When we both worked full-time, pre-children, I can remember the long hours I devoted to work, and the feeling of absolute fatigue when I finally got home. Not much left to give my husband. Funny. That didn't change or improve a bit once we had kids. In fact, in those infant through preschool years, it intensified. Now that we are in the middle and elementary school years of parenting, I find myself worn out from playing Taxi Driver and strategic planner of all things laundry, cooking, cleaning, and errand running.

Different reasons but same outcome. My marriage isn't given the same attention it deserves. As I look ahead, I'm realizing my oldest hits high school soon and we'll be on that "downward slide" of parenting. I KNOW I must turn the tide here. If I want to be able to look at my husband in our empty nest years and be able to enjoy and know him, then I need to do a better job now to invest into that future.

Please hear me. This is not a guilt trip. I know spinning all our plates and expectations and demands isn't easy. I'm not trying to add to your burden. But, I am asking you to join me in prayerfully considering something you can do different. Just think about some tiny ways you can make a better effort. How can you make sure your man knows he has your respect, love and devotion?

Here's a list of a few things I've contemplated and/or tried to do better lately.

1. Pray for my husband. Yep, as I pray for my kids, my day or those pressing needs of others, I'm trying to be more intentional to pray for my husband. The great thing is that you can do this while you fold laundry, cook dinner, wash dishes or run carpool. We're multitaskers, aren't we?

2. Send him Scripture. My husband has burdens to deal with, just as I do. I can get pretty self-focused on my own burdens. But, I'm trying to do better at sharing an encouraging word with my husband. If you have a smart phone and a Bible app, this is super easy. Lately, when a verse comes to mind, I look it up on my app and text it to my husband through the app's easy breezy "share" button. I used to do such gestures all the time in our courting days? And there were no smart phones back then. I had to actually WRITE it out. Certainly, I can muster the energy now.

3. Ask his opinion. As I am working harder to pay more attention to my husband, I'm realizing I want to be more intentional to show him I respect him. Men need this. In fact, research shows that this is the number one need of men--to feel respected. So, on little things about the kids or such, I'm trying to do better to ask my husband his opinion. I can be rather guilty of feeling like the kid expert after all these years of being a SAHM. But, he is their dad and I should let him know I value his opinion on how to help our children with their dilemmas. Or his advice on something that's on my mind.

4. Laugh. Yep, trying to refocus myself from complaining and venting to my ever patient husband to finding ways to laugh with him. This involves self-control and lots of tongue biting. But, I am working at this--to just find little things to laugh about. Suggestions? See the humor in the every day. Or even seek out laughs with a favorite show. May I suggest Duck Dynasty, for instance? Uncle Si always makes me giggle. Happy, happy, happy.

5. Remember. After all these years together, one of the most profound aspects of our marriage is our shared history. It can remind us of all that God has brought us through when we sit and reminisce about our first date or early years. Our kids even love for us to share these funny stories. It brings them a feeling of security to reflect on our bond. You might even want to pull out old pictures or videos. Or, look up old songs on iTunes from when you were dating or first married. Certainly, our young new love was exciting and wonderful. But, the bond and certainty of all our shared experiences brings a whole different beauty to our love story.

Will you join me in turning some of our attention from our kids' and their demands back to our husbands who stand by our sides? Sometimes, I admit, I feel as though I just can't do it all. And, I remember that my husband needs attention. I trust him implicitly, don't mishear me. But, not giving our men the attention and respect they need gives the enemy a foothold to turn their attention elsewhere. This thought drives me back to where I need to be, to making an effort to fight for and build up this marriage I've been given. It's not perfect, and neither are we. But, I'm terribly blessed to have him. And, he needs me to remind him of that.

Brutal Beautiful Truth of Radical Faith

10:11 AMHeather

She was two-years-old. I can't remember the original offense, but I can remember her little piggy tail framed face as she stood by the train table. Hands on her hips. Determined. My cousin, Abby, was visiting from Canada and stood nearby my daughter. As I reprimanded my little darling for that original offense, she talked back. I told her she needed to go to her room to cool off. Her response makes me laugh now...but boy, at that moment, my emotions were much different. In a high spirited, sassy attitude, she stood with those hands on those hips, and then suddenly snapped her fingers back and forth as she said, "Oh no, you DID-ENT!" I was dumbfounded. I glanced at Abby who was stifling a laugh at this little outburst. I repeated my command to go to her room, and she screamed "I hate you!" as she ran to obey.

Yep. I was incredulous. Surprised. Sort of a pit in my stomach at what just happened here. Did she really say THAT?

This is essentially how I felt Sunday night watching the introductory video session for David Platt's Radical: Small Group Study. I had this sudden urge to snap my fingers back and forth at the screen at what was being said, and respond with a sassy, "Oh no, you DID-ENT."

Oh, yes he did. David Platt went there. Calling out our mediocre lukewarm version of Christianity here in America. Calling us out individually for selling out to some pretty little faith that demands little of us. Calling out to the church to get real about our faith. To get radical. To hear the brutal beautiful truth of radical faith.

I didn't want to hear, yet I did. I wanted to want to respond with an absolute affirmative to really get down and dirty with living out this faith in a way that most Americans would call ludicrous. I wanted to want to be willing to leave father and mother, security and familiarity and all creature comforts to whatever Christ calls us to do as we follow Him. Yet wanting to want to was about as close as I could muster to be willing to do whatever it takes.

David Platt does not mince words. But then again, Jesus didn't. Jesus said in Matthew 10:37-38, "The person who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; the person who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And whoever does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me." Oh no, he DID-ENT? Oh, yes he did.

And, I felt called out, humbled, challenged, and honestly--a bit nervous. The first fill-in-the-blank on the viewer guide is this:
We need to ask the question, Have we ever really come to Jesus on His terms? Do we compartamentalize our faith to be some pretty little package of church attendance most Sundays, maybe a quick prayer here and there, and a pretty much moral life? Do we boil Jesus down to how it works best for us, turning to him like some Santa Claus or Last Ditch Effort when needed? Otherwise, a rather pleasant thought we believe in?

Or, have I ever really gut checked to the point of saying that I want to love him so much that my love for my children and husband seem like hate in comparison? Have I ever really sold out to Him with exclusive loyalty, counting all costs and giving all efforts for the cause of Christ? Am I willing to surrender it all for His sake? Or do I approach obedience to Christ begrudgingly like a burden rather than a privilege motivated by my love for him?

Glimpse of GRACE: Whew. The brutal beautiful truth of a radical faith asks itself this question every day. Is Christ the one for whom my heart beats every day in all I do? Christ pointed out that we are to count the costs. A builder doesn't build half-way and then realize he can't finish the job. But, America is full of believers with half-built buildings of faith. A warrior doesn't run into battle without calculating his resources and assessing the enemy. But, church pews are full of regular attenders who are losing some battle daily because they aren't approaching their faith with a war-time mentality.

Convicting, isn't it? And, if you're like me, uncomfortable to hear and to contemplate. So what do we do with that? If you want to join me in pressing forward to wherever this might lead, here is where I plan to start.

I'm standing on this favorite verse to pray as I seek to have a radical faith. "I do believe! Help my unbelief!" Mark 9:24

And, in tandem, well aware of my affinity for the easy way that requires not so much, I'm going to fall back on this promise as I pray. "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27

I don't know about you, but I am amazed by the grace of a Radical Father who calls me to a radical faith, and then meets me where I am in my shortcomings to provide the belief and to make a way for me, if I will just take the first step.

Destined for Greatness: Embracing Your Role

8:55 AMHeather

Might as well continue with my revelations and confessions about myself. I have been wrestling through a dilemma for most of my life, and I think many of you are in the same boat. What am I supposed to do? What shall I be when I grow up? What is my purpose? What is my role in this world? Or, as we've heard it said on television--how can I live my best life?

I must admit that I am realizing an embarrassing truth about myself in all this soul searching. I have been fighting against delusions of grandeur. Its not that I ever really wanted to be a famous person or celebrity. Even though I used to prance around in front of my mirror as a kid and pretend those things were true. It's more that I have this gnawing discontent in me that keeps trying to tell me there must be something more. Something bigger. Something more profound. Something impactful and memorable that I do with my life.

And, so I have wrestled this all through with the Lord for years. I had a fulfilling season of having my own business, which was great. But, He made it clear when it was time to put that away. So, I focused more intently on those three little ones under my care. But, then, before I knew it--they were all off to school every day. And, then this whole emotional tug-of-war intensified. As well as my discontent. I realized the hard way that I had expectations that when my kids were all in school during the day, God would have some other "thing" for me. As if all those years of "someday, when my kids are all in school" would usher in some great exciting new season for me.

That was a big N-O. Despite all my questioning and prayers, I still do not feel called to join the work force full-time again. There is no huge or amazing new ministry call on my life. I haven't been asked to write some best selling book, and no one has come pounding on my door with a new opportunity now that I have more margins in my day. No, instead, I seem as busy as ever while the kids are gone, yet struggle to feel purpose. When they get home, I feel tired and honestly, a bit intruded upon as my agenda must fall to the way side. And, I can get frustrated with myself and my "grass is greener" mentality.

Hasn't been pretty. And, if my instincts are right, many of you have had this same internal turmoil with the idea that you, too, were destined for greatness. All the while, you find yourself in the same hum-drum of everyday life.

As I once again lifted what now feels like an empty mantra prayer to God to show me my next "thing," He gave me fresh perspective. Going into my now fourth year of all kids in school, I have long heard him say to bloom where I'm planted. Yeah, yeah. Mothering is a ministry and a mission field in and of itself. I KNOW! But, what else is there? My mind is full of ideas and dreams. Will they ever come to fruition? Will I ever make my big splash, my big impact?

Glimpse of GRACE: A quiet whisper in my spirit finally broke the silence of these years of praying for my great and amazing purpose. Be a pebble. Yep, that's it. Be a pebble. I've wanted to be this big huge boulder who makes a big splash in the lake of life. But, I felt the Lord say, just be a pebble. If I can have fresh eyes to see how my hum-drum everyday can be a pebble with ripple effects, then I will see that the greatness I'm destined for is already happening. Not in a "everyone knows my name" or "what a huge legacy" kind of way. But, in a quiet, faithful and still impactful kind of way. I felt the Lord give me fresh perspective on those things I already invest myself into day-to-day. To me, my impact barely breaks the surface. That's been my angst. I want to do great things--yes, for His glory. And if I had to be honest, for my own.

Yet that day, God challenged me to consider anew how my little pebble ways can have big ripple effects. The way I mother these children? Who knows the lives they touch or will touch? And then the ripple effect from there? Or how I love my husband? How that can have an impact in how he can go out and be a pebble? Or even the kindness I show the cashier? Or any number of "hum drum" things I do in a week. God can use them in ways beyond my comprehension. And, this side of heaven--ways beyond my awareness.

If I will only surrender my boulder ambitions and embrace my pebble calling. Pebbles can be great too. Their ripple effects can gently go on and on long after the big splash of a boulder. When God spoke to Elijah in 1 Kings 19, as I addressed the other day, he didn't show up in the earthquake, the great wind, or the flash of fire. Nope, God showed up in the gentle whisper. So, too, shall I be like Him. Surrendering the pressure of being a super sized, loud, huge impression in the world. And, embracing my role to be the gentle whisper of Him everywhere I go. I feel the discontent leaving my heart as I throw myself into being a pebble.

Make it Monday: Dry Erase Weekly Planner

7:47 AMHeather

I've started a new job this fall. Doesn't pay much. In fact, it costs me a lot of time and money. It's Mom's Taxi Service. I have 3 clients. They require frequent drop-offs and pick-ups. And, it can be hard to keep straight. Although I have it on my phone AND I have a calendar for the month on my fridge, I needed something else to organize my brain. I need to be able to see my week at a glance.

This is the before of this week's project.

Well, technically this is the after-that-is-now-my-before. I bought an old nasty white window from a local store that sells really cool salvage/flea market type items. It was $25. My sister-in-law and her friend and I painted it black and then I worked on it to become a photo display for her wedding. Gotta love the 80's hairdo of the mothers of the bride and groom!

I saw something on Pinterest that planted the idea for this weeks easy make-it project. So, with permission from my sister-in-law to claim this window as my own, I converted the photo display into a dry erase weekly planner.

This took me about 15 minutes. Really. It took longer for my husband and I to hang it at just the right height than it did for me to make it.

I just pulled off the sticker lettering from the wedding, and pulled out the photos on the scrapbook paper mats. Had to clean it up a bit with vinegar (my new cheap window cleaner) to get the old glue dots off.

Then, I just cut scrapbook paper to fit the window panes. The trick is finding paper that isn't too busy or dark so that your writing will show up. I printed up the days of the week with the Grutchshaded font and matted them on black card stock. I used a tape runner to adhere them to the scrapbook paper. Last, but not least, I used glue dots to put the scrapbook paper on the back of each glass window pane.

That's it. Voile! Because it's glass, you can use a dry erase marker to write on and wipe off. Of course, in my OCD mind, I had to go buy colored dry erase markers so I could color code each child's activities on the planner. The need to color code is part of my dilemma because my children all have the same initials, which eliminates that system for me. I love the way this turned out...somehow I think the font and paper give it a Pottery Barn knock-off look. And, now, Mom's Taxi Service can operate more efficiently with the owner and operator more organized. Try one for yourself! I bet you can find windows at Seconds in Surplus or you might even have one from an old home laying around. Lots of impact for not much time and money. My kind of project! Happy Crafting!

Weary to the Point of Death

8:24 AMHeather

Weary to the point of death. Discouraged to the point of wishing your life was over. Not an ounce of hope left to press on for another moment. This rock bottom is a place all too familiar for many. We hear of suicide attempts or deaths by suicide all too often. Not something we often discuss. But, let me assure you, it's nothing new. In fact, this morning I felt drawn to 1 Kings 19, where I read that even one of God's own prophets had reached this all time low in his life. Today, I believe I have a word for those of you facing these deep dark pits in life. I am praying even as I write that God pours out a ray of hope through this blog post that pierces your heart.

Elijah. As in God's prophet. The one who had been fed by the ravens in the wilderness. The one who declared to King Ahab that it would not rain for the next few years. And it didn't. The one who was fed by the widow who's handful of flour and oil miraculously fed herself, her son, and Elijah day after day after day. The one who breathed life back into the widow's son when he died. The one who trashed talked the prophets of Baal at the great fire lighting show down on Mount Carmel. Do you remember that one? 450 prophets of Baal versus just Elijah. And, Elijah gave us a great example of Biblical trash talk in 1 Kings 18 as he taunted that huge crowd of Baal prophets whose god would not light the wood for their sacrifice. Not content to leave it at that, Elijah showed off how big his God was by having the wood watered down not once--but three times. And, God sure enough did show up big and light up that fire. So, King Ahab took off in his chariot, and Elijah "tucked up his cloak in his belt and ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel" (1 Kings 18:46). Yep, that miraculously fast marathon running, drought invoking, fire provoking, resurrecting prophet of God.

That same Elijah reached a point of weariness and hopelessness that he wished he was dead. In the very next chapter of 1 Kings. Although you probably never won a showdown with a crowd of Baal prophets, maybe you, too, have seen some big successes in life and experienced some mountain top highs. News flash for you. It doesn't make you immune to the despair and weariness that can bring you to the point of hopelessness. If you find yourself in that pit and wonder how you reached that low, I have an encouraging word for you. You're in good company in the scope of human history.

And, I pray that Elijah's story that I share today may give you enough gumption to just put one foot in front of another for the next day. As Elijah lay down to hopefully never wake up, an angel came to him and touched him. She said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you" (1 Kings 19:7). Can I just encourage you, in your darkness, to do the same? Get up and eat. For this journey of life may feel like too much for you. You see, you need the Bread of the Word right now. You need the Living Water. This bread and water will sustain you, it will strengthen you. Lay it all out for God in honest prayer, and snatch a word of Scripture that you can meditate on to just find solace and food for your soul.

The next part is the hard part. In your weariness, in your darkness, we find Elijah pointing out what to do next. Here it is. Be still. Quit striving. Quit struggling. Quit resisting. In our valley experiences, we want God to show up big and strong and mighty and without a doubt. We want that massive display of his strength and his power. We want an earth shattering experience to break up the hard places in our life. And, we groan and moan when it doesn't happen. We might even curse a God who is capable, yet refuses to give us the huge encounter we think we need. We want the flashy, loud huge impression from our God.

Surely, Elijah did, too. He was done. The threat on his life from Ahab's wife, Jezebel, proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back. And the prophet's resolve was broken. He lay under a tree, pleading for his life to be over. But, God had other plans. And, so, the angel provided food and water to give him strength. And, then God told Elijah, "Go and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by" (1 Kings 19:11).

I've been in places in my life where I longed for such an audible promise! I just begged for God to show up. We live in a culture where we want things supersized and magnificent and awe inspiring. Surely, Elijah had similar expectations.

But God was not in the great and powerful wind that tore mountains apart and shattered rocks. (verse 11)

And God was not in the earthquake. No earth shattering revelation here. (verse 12).

And, God was not in the fire, showing flashy and bright. (verse 13).

Nope. We may long for God to be all these wondrous things in our darkness. But, the truth is God came in a gentle whisper. No doubt, God does show up in mighty huge displays of his great power. After all--hadn't he rained down fire from heaven in the prophet showdown just one chapter before? But, sometimes, in our loud weeping and gnashing and anger and frustration, God intends to come to us in a gentle whisper.

And, if we can quiet ourselves and be still, we will encounter him there. We won't miss a thing. Elijah was prepared. He was strengthened and hydrated, and he was ready to respond and meet God in whatever way God chose to reveal Himself and show up. There, God revealed his plan and his provision for Elijah (verses 15-18). And, there, Elijah was ready to hear and to obey.

Glimpse of GRACE: The storms of life are inevitable. And, no matter how strong our faith walk or the mountain top experiences we've encountered with God, we can fall to the same point of despair as Elijah. We can wish to lie down and never wake up. Be encouraged by Elijah's example. Find a way to eat of the Bread of his Word and drink in the Living Water. And, then be ready for however God chooses to reveal himself in your life. It could be earth shattering revelations or great and powerful winds of change. Or, it might be in just a gentle whisper that reminds you that He's never left you. You will need to still yourself and be prepared either way. Listen for the gentle whispers, and hear them as the God of the Universe reminding you of his faithfulness to walk every road with you. It might just be through a song that brings a smile. Or a Scripture that lightens your heart a little. Or a kind word aptly spoken. These are the gentle whispers of your Heavenly Father reminding you that you are His child. And, he will always show up. In his own way.

Epiphany for an Imperfect Perfectionist

10:02 AMHeather

Hello. My name is Heather, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. If you've followed me for long here, you are quite aware of this. If you are a friend outside this bloggy world, you are even more aware of this. As much as I hate to admit it, I thought I had really begun to perfect my recovery. I mean, I let people come over whether I've deep cleaned or not. I let multiple baskets of clean laundry sit for DAYS in plain sight without folding them. And, I've even come to embrace that a meat and one side dish will indeed suffice for a dinner offering. Or, even the occasional cereal for dinner. That doesn't make me a bad cook...it makes me a fun mom, right?!

But, last week, I bumped into a Scripture with fresh revelation that sought to undo my perfect recovery.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by

such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw

off everything that hinders and the sin that

so easily entangles, and let us run with

perserverance the race marked out

for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfector of our faith.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Suddenly, that morning, a phrase jumped out that I'd only glossed over in the past. Jesus...the perfector of our faith. It rolled around and around in my mind. I chewed on it all day long, hoping to wrap my mind and my brain around it in its entirety. Here's my epiphany--for this hopelessy imperfect perfectionist.

Jesus does the work. Jesus is the one. Not me. And, what does he perfect? My actions? My ability to perform? My ability to accomplish tasks? My ability to be superwoman? My figure? My looks? My intellect? My words? My wardrobe? My bank account? My house? My diet?

None of the above. What Jesus wants to perfect is my faith. Plain and simple. My faith. Not up to me. It's up to him. Wowzers. The release of that. This plain and simple truth. NO where in the Bible does it tell me I am supposed to be perfect.

Now, this verse has tripped me up before...and I think in the past, I've allowed it to fuel or justify my perfectionist approach to my faith.

Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:48

On this surface, this seems to be telling us to do the impossible. It seems to counter the first verse I shared. It's an unattainable goal. Just the thing to taunt any perfectionist. But, let's pause to look at it in context. That verse is commanding us to LOVE as the father loves. Not to be perfect in ALL we do every minute of the day. You see, perfect love, according to the chapter in its entirety, is a love for even your enemies. An indiscriminate love--being offered for those you love, for those you don't like, for those who are righteous, for those who are not, for those you agree with, for those you don't. A love fueled by a faith in our Savior--who perfects that faith day in and day out throughout our journey on earth.

Allow me to share with you where else my meditations of this last week have taken me. Here's the definition of perfect, according to dictionary.com:

adjective

conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman.

excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement: There is no perfect legal code. The proportions of this temple are almost perfect.

exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose: a perfect actor to play Mr. Micawber; a perfect saw for cutting out keyholes.

entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: a perfect apple; the perfect crime.

5. accurate, exact, or correct in every detail: a perfect copy

Here's the thing. On this side of heaven, we will not be made whole, or complete, or be able to conform completely to Christ. We will not be without flaws because of our flesh nature. It's the reality this imperfect perfectionist must accept--and that is where I will find freedom! I can let this truth be written on my heart in permanent ink so that I can cease my striving. I will not be made whole until I walk heaven's streets.

But, I can surrender, moment by moment, to the One who perfects my faith. I can hand him my mess, my anxiety, my stress, my failures...and let him perfect my faith. I can stand on the promise of Mark 9:24... "I do believe! Help my unbelief!" Think about that. He even will give us the belief to fuel our faith that HE will perfect.

Glimpse of GRACE: Yep, I am not perfect. I am an imperfect parent, an imperfect wife, an imperfect friend, an imperfect follower of Christ. I can dwell there, in my imperfections and illusions of some grand idealism to be perfect in my faith. Nothing but being haunted by a sense of failure. But, JESUS is the one who can and WILL perfect my faith when I hand myself over for the transformation.

Do you want to know what Scripture says IS perfect?(cause we know it's not me)....

--His works are perfect (Deuteronomy 32:4)

--His way is perfect (2 Samuel 22:31, Psalm 18:30)

--His knowledge is perfect (Job 36:4, 37:16)

--His law is perfect (Psalm 19:7)

--His faithfulness is perfect (Isaiah 25:1)

--His peace is perfect (Isaiah 26:3)

--His will is perfect (Romans 12:2)

--His power is perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9)

--His suffering made our salvation perfect (Hebrews 2:10)

--HE is perfect (Hebrews 5:9)

--His gifts are perfect (James 1:17)

--His love is perfect (1 John 4:18)

Here's the liberating truth of it all--these musings about perfection. Here's the epiphany. I can quit my striving and rest in Him to perfect my faith. God does not have some huge gold star chart with a large empty space next to my name for all the times I don't measure up. Instead, He calls me to come just as I am. And hand it all to him--perfectionism and all. And just let him do the work to perfect my faith. That's it. Plain and simple. The God of perfect love, perfect knowledge, perfect works, perfect will, perfect power, perfect salvation, perfect ways--He loves and accepts me PERFECTLY, just as I am. So, cease your striving. Release your imperfect perfectionism with me. There, we can know his perfect peace. Doesn't that just sound--well, perfectly perfect?!