She stood in a pretty red dress, and I greeted her with a big hug. She was her usual bubbly self with a big smile and warm greeting. I slid in to sit beside her for church, and soon noticed another friend moving forward to her seat.
During the part in the service where you greet each other, I slipped forward and held my friend as she cried and told me that indeed, the family member we'd been praying for had died the night before.
"I just don't know how to do this. I have so many questions. How do you grieve?"
Moments later, I went back to my seat and explained the circumstances to my seat mate, lest she think me rude for pressing past and not chatting with her.
"Oh, wow," she expressed. "I just lost a friend, and I have the same question. How on earth do you do this? This grieving?"
I don't believe in coincidence, just divine appointments. This post is for them. It's also for the others I know in seasons of great loss and unfathomable pain. It's for the ones in the pit who are paralyzed by the voids left where loved ones once were.
I am a former pit dweller. I've sowed in tears through multiple losses. No one is ever an expert in grief. Grief is a thick fog that suddenly consumes the path ahead, and then within moments, it can dissipate as quickly as it appeared, ever ready to cloud the day with the most unexpected reminder of what once was.
Here's what I've learned. There actually is no step-by-step way through it. There is no handbook on grief, and no one way. What works one day to press you forward will hardly move you the next. While the whole family may lose a member, each relationship is unique and individual. Each loss is wrapped up in it's own complex package, unpacked day by day by day.
When it comes to how to grieve, I've learned to turn back to the Word of God as my compass. I look to David when he lost the son with Bathsheba. I look to Jeremiah, and I greatly encourage you to camp out in Lamentations 3, as I did for many years.
And I look to Mary.
Dear Mary. Seen at the feet of Jesus over and again, during various points in life.
Mary. Who sat and listened to Jesus' teaching, sitting at his feet as was the traditional posture in that day for students and mentors, while her sister Martha was busy in the kitchen.
This is where we grow the roots of faith that will anchor us in the seasons of weeping. Posturing ourselves flat out before the Savior, choosing to turn to him with all of our feelings.
So that in the days of darkness, we fall back on what we know of Jesus, and we remain like Mary, throwing ourselves at his feet.
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