I wasn't going to blog today. But I can't shake it. Someone needs to read what I'm about to write.

Over two weeks ago, I sat in my living room with the God's Girls [a group of sixth grade girls who gather at my house]. For various reasons, I felt as though I needed to share my story with them. The good, the bad and the ugly. Because I felt that they needed to know my "WHY" behind this thing called God's Girls. I felt they needed to hear my story of being a Christian since I was four. My story of being bullied as a kid. My story of never feeling like I fit in. My story of my whole world and all I considered secure being blown apart. And my story since then.

Because they needed to know about what I'm writing today. And someone today needs to be reminded of it too.

I was raised in a Christian home. I grew up learning all about Jesus. I could recite all the major Bible stories by heart. I had a Noah's Ark toy, complete with two of each animal. I listened to Bible stories on tape as I fell asleep. I went to church Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, and Wednesday nights. I was a GA and I went to Super Summer. I listened to and owned all the Psalty albums. And I went to the concerts of Amy Grant, Dallas Holm, Michael W. Smith and even Carmen.

I knew a lot. I had a lot of facts and I thought I had a lot of faith.

However, the truth was that my faith was tiny and my "Christian" walk was far more about rule following and head knowledge than it was about anything else. I thought I knew Jesus. The truth was that I knew about Jesus. And I swung from the emotional highs of one great experience like summer camp to the next experience. In between, I scrambled to work up that same emotional high, considering it to be the true mark of faith.

I know now that it's not. Not at all.

Because faith has little to do with emotions. 

Faith is believing God is who he says he is even when your emotions and circumstances are telling you otherwise. 

Faith is clinging to the tiniest scrap of hope because you are choosing to remind yourself that his word is true. 

Faith is running at Jesus when the hard times come running at you, no matter what your feelings are telling you.

Here's what I wanted the God's Girls to know.

Everything you've ever heard about who God is and how big he is and how sufficient he is... it's all true. Every. Bit. Of. It.

I wish I could convey this adequately with the great conviction that I feel. 

I desperately want you to know this in the depths of your soul.

When your darkest day comes, he is the light.

When the stormiest day happens and the torrential downpour outside is as relentless as the bad news you just received, God steps in.

And he will paint a brilliant rainbow across the sky to break through the clouds and whisper emphatically to your heart-- "I will see you through. I'm not going anywhere."

I know because it happened to me.

When you have wondered about this thing called faith and this person called Jesus and you just wonder if it's myth or fact-- because your world is turned upside down... let me assure you with what I have learned first hand.

Every little tiny bit of Scripture about the Almighty God, His Only Son and the Holy Spirit... it's all true.

Every bit of it.

It's the absolute truth.

Every little thing you store up in your head and seek to hide away in your heart.

Every little bit of it is true.

When the hard times come (and they will) you can count on this reality. 

God is exactly who he says he is.

Only better. Only more. Even more real than you ever imagined as you struggle and wrestle to hang onto him.

I told those girls and I'm telling you.

Pour the Word into your heart and into your mind. Immerse yourself in it. Plant the seeds of truth deep within you and water them regularly by spending time with the One who is the Living Water.

And they will take root. They will become deep and tall and bring a fruit and a harvest of peace and joy and hope when the hard times come. 

When you question every bit of it, when you test it during the trials... he will show himself faithful. And he won't run from your questions. He won't chide you for your doubting. But he will show up to point you to the scars on his hands and side, just as he did when the disciple Thomas doubted if he had really been resurrected.

Jesus came back. Jesus appeared to the disciples after his resurrection but Thomas wasn't there the first time. So Jesus came back to the doubter. He came back to show Thomas that he was indeed the Risen Savior. Jesus didn't scold him for questioning. Instead, he encouraged Thomas to feel the scars. To see the truth. To be assured by the presence of the One who loved him to death.

His Word and every promise within it are indeed the absolute truest things about God.

He is our Almighty God. He is our Heavenly Father. He is our Rock, our Refuge, our Shield and our Shelter.

Jesus is our Savior.

The Holy Spirit is the Counselor and Comforter.

Every single thing. It's all true.

I have questioned. I have doubted. I still wrestle hard for faith and struggle against feelings. I have felt like I was too far for him to reach. I have felt like life was too hard to dare to believe for better days. I have been buried in the depths of depression and grief that left me wanting to climb into my bed and never wake up. 

I grew up in a Christian home and yet, I have wondered what it is to be a Christian. I have asked God if he really is good. I have walked down roads that left me with far more questions than I had answers.

And from all that I have lived and learned along the way, I want you to know this from my own hindsight.

Jesus was there. In every single moment of every single day. I proclaim it with the greatest conviction of knowing this truth after questioning its validity.

He is a good, good Father. And I am loved. He loves me when I sing out his praises and he loves me when I angrily cry out to him. He has never left me. He has never forsaken me. He has tenderly and patiently and faithfully walked me through it all.

It. ALL.

Every tear. Every question. Every raised fist. 

Every moment of doubt and anxiety when I was listening to emotion rather than preaching the truth to myself. 

He is indeed perfect in all of his ways.

In all of his ways. I will declare to my soul and to everyone of you readers.

He is perfect in all of his ways. He sees the entire picture. He sees this moment in time from the Throne of Eternity. He is faithful and true. He is all for us and he is not against us.

And he, in all of his omniscience and omnipotence and omnipresence-- he weaves every thread of our lives, every ragged and tattered thread of our lives -- into a forever tapestry.

One day, we will even get to see it. We will get to see just how it all fits together. How it all makes sense. Because we will be looking at it from above and beyond, not from the very middle of it where it feels like a knotted mess. 

And so, I look back over it all-- all my life. All my mess. All my joys. All my sorrows. All the head knowledge and all the lessons from experience.

And I say this to you.

Every incredible thing about God's amazing grace, his unending love, his steadfastness, his care, his shelter, his kindness, his strength... every promise found in the pages of Scripture.

It's all true.

Every. Bit. Of. It.

Feel free to try it out for yourself. Feel free to ask him to help you find the answers you're seeking.

You ask me how I know it's all true?

Because I have tried it out. And I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. 

I know from experience, the very words of the old hymn-- "tis so sweet to trust in Jesus... how I've proved him ore and ore."

And so, I write this declaration of his goodness, of his faithfulness, of the certainty of him for every one of you.

Truth be told, I also write it down for myself. Because I suffer greatly from spiritual amnesia and I fight for faith more than I hold to it unswervingly. I let my emotions creep in and take over.

And then, I stand back up after I've been knocked down. I stand back up and I remember. 

I assure you, I will go back and read this blog post, over and over. So that I can preach the gospel to my wandering soul and remind myself in all the doubting, weak moments.

That it is all true. Every bit of it. Every word from his Scripture. Every glimpse of his grace. Every tiniest revelation of his glory.

This is the truth to tether you when you are flailing about in the wind of circumstances.

"Goodness is on the Throne. And we are safe." -- JR Vassar