I don't know about you, bloggy friend, but I am slugging it out here in the burbs with my three offspring during this hot Texas summer.  Most days I'm just trying to keep the peace.  My work out routine has unraveled, my sleep schedule is all goofed up, and I feel like a zombie going through most days--just working through it until bedtime.  I spend my days conflicted between being thankful for the screens that keep my children occupied and being frustrated with my seeming inability to contain the desired screen time to the time allotment I'd like.  I admire you moms who seem to do it all with ease--planning wonderfully educational and fun and fantastic summers full of Instagram-worthy posts. 

I am not one of you.

I'd like to be.  Some days, I even pretend to be.  But, I'm simply not.  I just muddle through having to cook dinner again.  Really?  Do they have to eat EVERY day?  It's too hot to turn on the oven or stand over a stove.  Laundry?  Jeepers.  Why do we all wear three changes of clothes a day, between swim suits and clothes and pajamas?  Dishes?  My dishwasher gets quite the work out every summer because those three starving and growing kids eat like maniacs.  Don't even get me started on the grocery bill--or the grocery shopping for that matter.

So I march on, holding it together, counting down to the family vacation which  I hope will provide the refreshment we all desperately need.  And I find myself wrestling with self-loathing that I can't seem to embrace the demands of the day and this season of mothering with the gusto that others of you seem capable of.  At least according to your Facebook posts.

And then, the study of Gideon gets in my head.  And my heart.  And I realize, with painful self-analysis where I have gone so horribly wrong.  Where I have gotten off track.  Where my mojo seems to have disappeared.  

Here it is.  Written in the margin of my Gideon study book on the pages for the fourth video session.

I am not enough in awe of the fact that a sufficient God would choose to include me in work He doesn't need me to accomplish. 

Bloggy friends, do you get that?  Do you really hear this life altering epiphany that is finding its way into my heart?  Does it resonate with you?  I hope it echoes through your mind and soul as it is through mine.

We, collectively, as children of the Most High God, are not enough in AWE of the fact that a sufficient, all powerful, all knowing, omnipresent God would CHOOSE to include us in the work He doesn't even NEED us to accomplish.

He doesn't need me to teach these kids about Him.  He could do that on His own, through His own ways.  He doesn't need me to make my tiny little splash of impact in my own little world.  He can do far better on His own--without Me.  

He didn't need me to speak the world into existence from nothing.  He didn't need me to bring life from dust to create man.  He didn't need me to keep the sun rising today or the moon appearing tonight.

He doesn't need me at all.

Yet He chooses me.  And He doesn't just choose me.  He includes me.  He conspires with me.  To gather my own insufficient and measley offerings to His kingdom and to channel them for His purposes.  Not for HIS benefit, mind you.  But for mine.  

And I whittle it away as I complain about the tasks and duties of the day.  As I "endure" through the missions He has given me.  Nope.  They aren't glamorous.  And most days, I don't even feel they are very important.  

But that is not the point.  With that attitude, in fact, I miss the point completely.

Because I lack the awe and reverence for the fact that God chooses to include me in the work, however menial, that He doesn't even need me to accomplish.

Any of you parents of young children think of a time that you "let" your child help you with a task?  You and I both know it wasn't really helpful.  You could do it on your own.  Probably more quickly and efficiently even.  But you choose to include your children because you love them.  And you love seeing their pride and sense of purpose and accomplishment for their offering of assistance.

That is a tiny little picture of this concept.

God didn't NEED David to slay Goliath.  He could've rained down fire from heaven or sent an earthquake to swallow him.  But He chose to include tiny David and his slingshot.

He didn't NEED Jonah to go preach repentance to the Ninevites.  He could have spoken to them in an audible voice to get the same effect.  Without all the trouble and the whale and the storm and all.   

He didn't NEED Joshua and the Israelites to march around that wall for seven days.  He could have done it quickly and all on His own.

He didn't need Abraham or Isaac or Jacob or Noah or Elisha or Elijah or the twelve disciples.

His purposes and promises can be fulfilled without the meager assistance mere man brings to the table.  Yet, an infinite God chooses to use sinners and complainers and broken people to be part of His great accomplishments.

And we ignore this incredible display of grace and mercy.

Oh, Lord.  Fill me with a sense of AWE, fresh and complete, for the fact that you in all your glorious sufficiency would still choose to include me in work that you don't need me to get accomplished.  

Even if it is laundry and dishes and the tedious tasks of mothering.