I'm Waiting, I'm Waiting...

8:25 AMHeather

I may have mentioned just a time or two here that I'm in a season of waiting.  For many different things, but one particularly big thing.  And it's just taking way longer than I thought.  Which I totally hate.  Waiting is not my forte.  But truly--is it anyone's?  Does anyone like to be put off and placed in a position of passivity when our hearts yearn and burn for a particular thing to happen?  

I don't know of anyone who likes the waiting game.

This I know to be so true from my 19 years in the field of adoption.  I've yet to meet an adoptive family that says, "Oh, and hey--we'd be delighted to just wait a bit longer for this dream to come true!  That sounds so stinking fun!"

So, we wait.  And wait.  And the minutes and days and weeks drag on and on for our soul's desire to be fulfilled.  For our hope to be met and our prayers to be answered.  Personally, I'm not sure how anyone survives a long season of waiting without a faith in the One who has a perfect plan and perfect timing.  

Cause even with that faith, I still flounder and moan and groan and question.  WHY?  For the love--WHY is this taking so long?  

I keep seeing this image on social media that says, "Until God opens a door for you, praise Him in the hallway." 

Oh, yeah.  Except for one thing.  

I hate the hallway.  Open the door already.

So in my obvious struggle to wait patiently, I decided I better pull out my Sword of Truth to wield against the enemy of impatience and frustration.  This morning, I went to Biblegateway and looked up waiting.  I really was hoping to do some research on the original Hebrew word for waiting from the Old Testament.  Which I hoped would shed some light and magical assistance on how to wait well.  I envisioned some incredible ancient meaning for "waiting" that would take the sting out of it.

Here's what I found.  (Disclaimer:  A Bible scholar I am NOT.  So I may have missed something, but this is what my rookie efforts uncovered).   

Waiting--hoping, silence, still, repose, to wait for, to look for, to expect

Oh.  Just like I thought. Waiting is hoping.  But, I somehow think it's not like the "Oh, I hope the Cowboys win the Super Bowl this year."  Ya know--something you wish for that may or may not happen.  I think what God means when He asks us to hope is to put our faith in His faithfulness.  Because whatever burden we continually commit to prayer, we can be assured He WILL answer.  It may be yes.  Or no.  Or not yet.  But, He will hear us.  

The stillness and silence aspect of waiting...not my favorite.  I'm a doer.  I like to be in control.  I like to plan and make it happen.  I don't like to sit idly by.  

Yet, I'm called to be STILL and KNOW that He is God.  Psalm 46:10

I'm asked to remember that He acts on behalf of those who wait for Him.  Isaiah 64:4

To keep ever in my mind that while I am passively waiting, it's NOT that nothing is happening.  Nope.  Cause He is already acting on my behalf.

How about the "to look for?"  Um, yes.  Nailed it!  I am looking every day for my answered prayer.  Eyes wide open.  For any hint of movement and answer. Any sign of activity.  Any at all. Anything? 

But, maybe instead of looking for what I'm waiting for, I'm supposed to take this time to look for God?  Look for the One who IS the answer.  Draw near to Him.  So that I use my waiting time wisely and well.  

So.  hard.  to. do.  

And last on that list?  To expect?  This is where I bump into my epic fail.  Because I lose heart.  For every day that drags by, I begin to expect less and less.  The disappointment of deferred hopes and dreams and wishes makes it hard to expect anything to change.  Or improve.  Or the waiting to end.  

I have to admit that these days, I often find myself thinking, "What do I expect?  This thing could drag on forever!  It may never change.  What then?  Can I live with that?"

As I turned these thoughts over in my head this morning at dark thirty, a picture came to mind.  Of the afternoons that I sat waiting for my dad to come pick me up after drill team practice.  Sitting outside that gym at Lampasas High School, waiting for that tan Ford station wagon to turn into the parking lot.   Oh, I expected him to come.  It's just that as a busy pastor in a small town, he was often delayed.  

But he always came.  It may not be exactly when I hoped it would be, but my Dad could not forget his own child.  Except for that one time.  In the pre-cell phone days, that one time involved a bit of tracking him down, and eventually, I found him and he came on, after being tied up helping someone.  So, he still came.  Eventually.

Yet, we know that our Heavenly Father is the perfect parent.  His children are ever on his mind.  He will never flat out forget us.  It's impossible for him because of his perfect character and nature.  

So, while we wrap up our tasks and wait for our ride to the next thing on our hearts, we can rest assured of this fact.  Our Abba Father will come.  He will turn the corner into the parking lot and He will take us to the next destination.  To the plan for our future and our hope.  To the steps that He has laid out for us.  The ones for our good and not harm.  The place He wants us to be in the timing He wants to get us there.  

The great thing we can remember as we wait?  We don't need a cell phone or a pay phone or to borrow someone's phone.  We can simply call out to Him and He hears.  He loves and plans and plots for His glory and our very best.  

Cause that's just the kind of Dad we have.                

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