In December, when we left Holiday in the Park at Six Flags, we gave a ride to two friends of our son, Cooper.  As we walked to the car, before I could hardly utter a hello to these two young ladies (yep, friends from acting class), I got this text from my guy.

"Mom.  Please don't act weird or anything in the car.  Dad, too.  Don't embarrass me."

OH, the evil plots that ran through my head as I made a mental checklist of all the times this kid made my face flush with embarrassment, especially in those toddler years.  But, I was a good girl.

Halfway through the ride, I texted Cooper slyly as he sat in the back of the van.  "How am I doing?"

His reply: "Good.  Thanks!"

My response:  "It ain't easy to hide the crazy, but I'm trying."

Bloggy friends, it ain't easy for me to hide the crazy.  I've tried.  Really, I have.  I think I've slipped a time or two.  But, I'm laying it all out there for you today. As I admit this to you: I'm hearing voices in my head.   A little running dialog that is getting louder and louder as it becomes more frequent.

Just in the last ten minutes, here's the conversation.

1.  "Ugh.  So many clothes to hang up to dry."

Yeah?  Well, at least you have clothes.  Not to mention this many clothes.  RPP!  Rich People Problem.  AND, you have a washer and dryer.  

2.  "What?!  I'm out of soy milk.  How am I gonna make a fruit smoothie now?  I'm going to have to run to the grocery store.  AGAIN."

Cry me a river.  You have resources to make a smoothie.  And about 7 grocery stores in a one mile radius.  And money to spend there.  And a car to take you there.

3.  As I put the blender in the sink because the dishwasher is full.  Of clean dishes.  That I'm too lazy thus far today to unload.  "One more thing to do.  Unload that dishwasher.  Again.  Ugh, I have to do this every day."

Hmmm.  You have food to eat.  Plenty of it.  And dishes to put it on.  And glasses and coffee cups and forks and spoons.  And a dishwasher.  A dishwasher!  And a house for all this stuff to be in.  In your pretty little kitchen that you think needs different flooring. 
      
This kind of crazy is driving me...well, crazy.  Cause God is seriously messing with me.  And not only is it exhausting, I know well enough to know that He is only just beginning.  Because I am at the tip of an iceberg here with my discontentment and my whining and fussing and ridiculousness about what I count as troubles.  

Sure, I'm showing my crazy here to you.  These voices in my head.  Conflicting voices, duking it out over my First World Problems and the truth of God's incredible blessings in my life.  I believe I'm only beginning to engage in a battle that will result in an all out war.  I'm beginning to surrender to the need to fight it out and wrestle it through and let God have his way.  

I'm beginning to embrace the voice in my head. As a gentle reminder.  As the voice of the Holy Spirit.  As the first step toward this goal.