LIving in a Rut

10:32 AMHeather

Hey there, Bloggy Friends!  I'm BACK!  I hope that you noticed I was gone?  This summer brought a bit of a sabbatical for me from the bloggy world. And, what a summer it was.  Overall, not in a good way.  There were highlights, to be sure.  But, I have been wrestling through some heavy burdens emotionally--including a tough mothering season.  

Can I get an A-men?  Or I am the only mom in the world that constantly feels the emotional roller coaster of having my heart walk around outside my body in these three children I am blessed to call my own?  Honestly, I think I must admit that every mothering season thus far has felt tough.  Don't get me wrong.  I love being a mom.  It's really what I've always wanted to do--be a good mom.  And, I love my children.  But, there's a bit of feeling insane in how fiercely I love them and yet how crazy they make me--all at the same time.  

I'm just being brutally honest here.  Not even going to try to keep up the facade of sunshine and rainbows and nothing but bliss.  Because here's the truth.  Like the Peace Corps slogan--it's the toughest job you'll ever love.  I mean--look at that.  Toughest and yet you love it?  Sometimes I feel like I hate it so much that I love it.  Or, I love it so much I hate it?  I don't really know.  But, this summer felt tough.  Not for any particularly good reason.  Mostly, just that I found myself in the same old rut with my kids.  The same old battles being drawn about the same old behavior issues.  Like ground hog day, the same bickering between the kids.  Day after day.  And, it beat me down.  The same feeling of being glad they are home yet desperately wanting to just have some alone time all at the same time.

Crazy, huh?  I felt like a broken record.  All. Summer. Long. 

--It's not my job to entertain you.
--Quit asking to go do expensive things.
--Be thankful for what we have.
--Quit bickering with your brother.
--Don't be rude.  Use kind words.
--Can we just enjoy each other?

And my personal favorite.  Imagine a completely frustrated voice yelling out, "I ASKED YOU TO BE QUIET!  I'M TRYING TO READ MY BIBLE."

I know, I know.  It's ridiculous.  But, it's the real truth of me and my summer of mothering.  And somewhere in the desperate prayers and my husband talking me off the ledge for the millionth time, I heard a saying that has become my mantra.  And, yes, I've repeated it already about 1,034 times to my kids.

If we want to get different, we have to do different.  

Profound.  I might have heard it in a sermon or my Bible study book?  Or just as likely--from Pinterest or in a Facebook status?  No matter--God can use anything to get my attention.  And he often does.  

I want different.  So, I gotta do different.  I want a house where I am pointing my children to the Word of God regularly and loving them WELL.  Where I am making the most of every opportunity.  Where I take nothing for granted.  Where I live it out so that they can.  I want to not lose my temper with my kids.  Let's face it--I want whatever Michelle Duggar has that makes her so sweet and kind and peaceful all the time--even with all those kids around all the time.  I only have 3 kids. Surely, I have been missing some important mothering secret.

Glimpse of grace:  Here's the secret I am discovering.  What am I willing to do differently?  Just what habits or routines or changes am I willing to make?  Top of the list that I am trying to wrap my brain around and write upon my heart--Have grace on myself.  Stop looking at my failures and constantly feeling like a less than mom whose missed the mark because I think everyday should be like a Hallmark commercial.  How about developing gratitude and better perspective by thinking of the good and positive and small successes?   How about applauding any and EVERY step in the right direction my children take instead of seeing their missteps?  How about getting the sleep I need?  Or how about taking the time I need to be grounded in the Word and in prayer?  Even if it means waking before the children.  Because, as I've already pointed out, doesn't work so well to try to do it while they are awake.  How about taking care of my body with better nutrition and exercise?  How about not just dreaming of all the things I might someday do--but actually taking a jump out of the boat and DOING THEM?  As a friend recently pointed out, "You know what you want to do when you grow up.  And, Heather--you are grown up.  It's here.  Now. So, do it."

How about you?  What rut do you want out of?  What differences do you wish for?  And, what are you willing to do differently to get there?  Join me!  For Pete's sake, we have all the help we could ever need.  

So let's not walk, but let's run to the Throne of GRACE with all our struggles.  Let us approach the throne of GRACE with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

With confidence, not cowardice.  Join me in keeping it real with a Father who offers unfailing love and help.  Let him whisper to you how you, too, can do differently.  One day at a time.  Moment by moment.  Do differently.  And sit back and watch how God can move differently in your life, too.

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