So, not to divulge too much or throw anyone under the bus here at my household.  But, we are in a frustrating cycle of discipline here.  When are they going to learn?  Things go well, so we slack on our consequences.  Then, ever so slowly, the issue downward spirals, and we ALL find ourselves frustrated as my husband and I have to pull in the reigns and instill a bit of boot camp to get back on our game.  Exhausting.

But, I'm hit smack between the eyes with this hard-to-swallow truth.  I am just. like. my. kids.  How ridiculous am I?  I get in these cycles of getting stressed and worked up and upset about minute things.  Worrying about the what if's.  And, with my imagination--that's a lot of what if's.  And, just about at my breaking point (which often includes a migraine, by the way)...I get a grip and remember who's in charge.  I pull myself together, sit at my Father's feet, and actually listen to his instruction and directions.  I tell myself, whew.  Not doing that again.  Stay game on, Heather!  Listen to your Father.  He knows what you need.  Stay ever near him.  Let him lead you.  But, then, like my kids, I start getting a bit lazy, and I forget who holds it all together and my role to simply rest in his care and instruction.

Yep, hit smack between the eyes today.  Want to know why?  I've been a bit worked up lately with tasks and stress and frustrations of the mundane--not even big important things.   Meanwhile, people all around me are dealing with life and death.  With things of eternal significance.  A war wages around me, and I sit and ponder and mull over my tiny insignificant molehills that I make into mountains.

Sitting at lunch yesterday with a friend, we pondered such big life and death things as we discussed a family left without a husband, without a father.  And we chewed on a possible cancer diagnosis for a beloved friend.  A type of cancer that for both of us, has taken someone else that we loved.  And we sighed deeply and agreed that the older we get, the more homesick we are for heaven.  Because there are indeed BIG burdens in this world, and heart breaks all around.  It was sobering for me to consider how I need to get over myself.  Over my stupid distractions that I allow...the ones that steal my joy...the tool of the enemy to keep me from the work of the eternal.

Glimpse of grace:  In all my ridiculous distractions, God has so graciously poured out his Shekineh glory into my life.  Reaching from heaven to touch the worries of this day.  The things like I spoke of in my March 29th post about a life changing day.  The things that shout to His grandeur, His endless care and concern for that which concerns us, His power to change what seems daunting.  

You see, yesterday afternoon, I got a message that brought me to tears and humbled me.  I read the words of a college friend, watching her young son battle cancer...the words that announced that the latest scan could find no tumor.  None.  The cancerous growth--gone.  Yet I fret and worry over which summer camps we can budget for my children to attend?  Ridiculous.  And in a one-two punch, I got the text this morning regarding our friend awaiting word on whether her growths are cancerous.  One word.  BENIGN.   So, why do I bother fretting over minor annoyances and little dramas?  Ridiculous.  Because my God is the Creator of the ends of the earth (Isaiah 40).  The far reaches of no where?  He made those.   In earlier years, I've even walked my own road of heartache that I might describe as feeling like the far ends of the earth. But, I found him--even there, ever present.  Yet still, I tend to feel weary from cyclical issues of wearing myself down and wandering from His presence?  Ridiculous.  This much I know is true.  I am prone to wander.  I am prone to get overconfident and venture out on my own, disobeying the call to constantly seek Him.  May Thy goodness...like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee!  May his cancer kicking, ever faithful, bigger than my wildest dreams GOODNESS bind my wandering heart to Him.