Marriage: Shouldering the Load

I witnessed a health care miracle yesterday.  Actually, I experienced it personally.  In June, I started with a new neurologist who has worked wonders to improve my migraines and overall health.  And, yesterday, I had a follow-up appointment--that was where the miracle happened.  My appointment was for 10:00 a.m.  I was taken right back, saw my doctor immediately, and was in my van, done with the appointment, by 10:24!   I had allowed for the typical long wait time, and hardly knew what to do with that unexpected free time?

Shopping, of course!  Off to the Dollar Tree in search of some supplies for the upcoming CREATE Christmas craft event.  I had been looking for about a year for a particular item, and had hoped that eventually Dollar Tree would again carry it in stock.  Sure enough, yesterday was my special day--first no wait time at the doctor, THEN, I find the elusive craft item and hit the mother load?  YIPPEE.  (On a side note, if you are in search of a serving piece of any kind, you might want to avoid the Dollar Tree on highway 183 and Brown Trail--because I checked out with 136 of those bad boys).

While I was loading nearly every last serving piece into my cart and avoiding eye contact with the gawking employee, I noticed this sweet older couple.  The lady somehow reminded me of my Granny, and I realized she had a cast on her wrist.  While she searched the aisle for an item (I was praying it was NOT a pie server), she was calling back to her husband.  He was a few aisles over, calling questions to her.   When I came toward the check-out, I saw him.  Bless his heart, he was permanently stooped over.  He was bent forward, in a position you might take to check a lower shelf.  And, he shuffled along pushing the cart for his wife.  I wondered what injury or ailment caused this uncomfortable situation for him?  I wondered how much life had happened in his obviously many years that led to this problem?  

I was taken with how this couple treated each other with such kindness and respect.  It made me wonder how many storms they had danced through together?  How many joys had they shared? How many children and grandchildren filled their lives?  When they said they wanted to grow old together, they were committed to making it happen.  I wondered at their uknown story, and had I been more bold, perhaps I would have struck up a conversation.

Once I had thoroughly frustrated the customers who were unfortunate enough to be in line behind me, I left the store, weighed down by my treasure trove of serving pieces.  When I pulled out of the parking lot, I saw the couple again.  They had pulled out from Dollar Tree, and driven down a few doors to the Subway.  I watched as the husband shuffled along slowly, with great effort, towards his wife's side of the car so that he might open the door for her.

And it dawned on me.  Here he was, bent over, hindered by physical pain and discomfort.  Yet, he still took the time to tend to his wife's needs.  He continued to serve her, despite the cost to him or the cross he was bearing himself.  Her put her first.  He showed love, even when it wasn't easy--even when it would be perfectly understandable for him to put his own comfort first.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  I am so convicted by this picture of marriage that I saw yesterday.  This adorable little couple were a picture of shouldering each other's load--till death do them part.  I would venture to guess that might be a big secret to their marriage success.  Yet, here I am, bent over with my own burdens.  Instead of refusing to let that be an excuse for not tending to my husband's needs, I focus on my own needs.  I stoop over, under the weight and stress, and I ignore the fact that my husband's needs are just as important. I get out of the car and shuffle into the store--leaving Chris to open his own door and find his own way.  Lord, help me to put my husband's needs at the top of the list!  No matter my own burden--let me remember HIS burdens and my call to help him carry them.

Becoming a Teflon Mom

I would like to think you noticed that there was no blog post on Thursday and Friday.  If not--humor me.  I could give you all kinds of excuses why, but think I'll just be honest and open and transparent.  I just couldn't.  I was weary and worn, bruised and battle wounded from this glorious brutality that is mothering.  On a good day, mothering is hard.  On a bad day, I've found mothering to bring me to the end of myself.  And last week was a culmination of a string of tough days capped by two REALLY epic bad days.  It shall go down in history, at least in our family.  The details aren't necessarily important (nor blog material for the sake of the innocent and not-so-innocent).  But, suffice it to say that I am not proud of how I reacted.  I got sucked into emotional outbursts and engaged--even though I know better.  I let personal attacks get to me and it might have been hard to tell who was the adult.  MAYBE.  I'm just saying.

Thankfully, Chris and I sought some Godly counsel because it takes a village to raise a parent.  And, I realized anew that I need to become a teflon mom.  I cannot let the children's attitude, anger, sarcasm, whining, bitterness and any other assortment of issues stick to me.  They have to roll right off.  I have to be gentle in my approach, full of love and compassion.  And, I have to be TOUGH.  I have to stand firm.  I cannot debate or engage.  I need to be okay with being disliked or earning the moniker of the meanest mom in the world.  I need to be able to say non-chalantly that it's totally fine if you're mad at me--but firmly and calmly RESPOND to disrespect.

This morning found me in 1 Corinthians 15:58.  Let me share with YOU, fellow mothers (and fathers), what I wrote in my prayer journal.  May you be encouraged and challenged to join me in becoming a Teflon mom.

  ⁵⁸ Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 

Therefore--because of the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (from verse 57)--dear brothers, or shall we say MOTHERS, dear and beloved mothers--stand FIRM!  From Ephesians 6:10-12, we know that standing firm means stand against the enemy's schemes and against the spiritual forces of darkness.  In other words--opposition IS coming if it's not here already.  So stand firm to NOT be moved by it.  In fact--let nothing move you--not whining, yelling, fatigue, anger or anything move you from your position.  You ARE the mom.  You ARE the authority.  You ARE the boss.  And, ALWAYS--at 5 a.m., at breakfast, at lunch, during your afternoon slump, and in the middle of the night--ALWAYS give yourself fully to the work of the Lord.  On that note, don't be fooled--that IS what this is.  The work of the Lord.  Every detail--from diaper changes to homework help--every detail is KINGDOM WORK.  It is the WORK of the Lord--every task, however mundane.  As you labor, toil and press on, KNOW--not just think or hope--but KNOW and be confident and assured that your labor, blood, sweat, tears, and even heartache are NOT in vain.  In other words, not a single bit of effort is wasted.  It's not useless and it's not unnoticed.  Even if no one else sees, acknowledges or knows--the GOD of the Universe, your Heavenly Father, your Savior and Lord notices every ounce of effort and rewards it, acknowledges it, and is pleased by it. It is NOT in vain--it will last through eternity.

And, so, sweet mothers, let us stand firm and become Teflon in this beautiful heart wrenching work that changes the world through every effort of every minute of every day! 

Help from The Help

 

If you know me, you know I loved The Help -- both the book and the movie.  Before I go any further in my raving about The Help, let me give a spoiler alert.  If you have NOT read the book OR seen the movie--which I cannot fathom--then you might not want to read on.  Because today I will be diving into a key element of the plot.

Let me preface today's post by saying that I hate two things about the ending of both a book or a movie:  (1.)  when the ending is predictable--BORING and (2.) when I am left to wonder what happens to the main characters.  That being said, I loved the ending of The Help, although the movie leaves out the key fact that Aibileen Clark ends up writing Skeeter's column after she is let go by Elizabeth Leeforts.  The movie bought tears to my eyes as that last scene plays out with Mae Mobley crying and screaming for poor Aibileen as she is forced to leave.  HEART WRENCHING.  For me, that was one of the most powerful scenes and I loved how it brought to life the agony of that separation and goodbye.

And, it got me thinking.  Dangerous, I know.  I grieved for Mae Mobley because she was losing that voice of truth.  That life giving person in her life who told her, "You is kind. You is smart.  You is important."  That person who built her up, as we are instructed to do for each other in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 [Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.] Aibileen's role in Mae Mobley's life went way beyond caring for her basic needs.  She went the extra mile to speak kindness and worth and value to that little girl.  And, poor Mae Mobley, conflicted between a mother who tore her down and ignored her worth, and a caregiver whose value was never noted but who went out of her way to speak of Mae Mobley's value.  Let's not forget Elizabeth Leefort, whose priorities were so misguided that she never realized the treasure of her children before her.  Or how about that Hilly Holbrook who was so warped by her own selfish ambition that she caused destruction all around her, like some evil puppeteer?

Yesterday I was thinking again about that sad little ending of the movie, and I realized something.  Who am I in that scene?  Am I Aibileen in the lives of those around me?  Am I the truth speaker, the encourager, the builder up of those whose lives I touch?  Do I let people know of their worth and character strengths?  Do I speak hope and assurance to my children, husband, friends, and family?  These thoughts are a continuation of my pastor's sermon last Sunday on speaking blessings into the lives of those around us.

Or, I am Mae Mobley-- conflicted between the deceit that tears down my worth and the value that others affirm in me?  Do I struggle to embrace my God given strengths because I am continually distracted by words that tear me down? 

How about Elizabeth Leefort?  Do I lack a backbone as well as an appreciation for the treasures in my life?  Am I bullied by the culture and the influence of others, succumbing to their allure and ignoring the things that really matter?  Are my priorities out of whack?  Do I care more for the fleeting things than I do the eternal?  Do I neglect that which really matters?

And finally, Lord help me, am I Hilly Holbrook?  Am I so wrapped up and warped by my own needs and desires that I continually try to manipulate others and circumstances, taking the reins all too often to try to play God?  

What of my relationships with others?  Who do I allow to influence me?  Have I neglected to set perimeters and boundaries with the Hilly Holbrooks around me?  Have I sent the Aibileen Clarks packing instead of realizing how very affirming and edifying they are?   Where do I invest myself?  To whose voice am I listening?

INTENTIONAL challenge:  Upon reflection, what do you think about the help we can glean from The Help?   Which character best summarizes you?  And which characters do you see in your sphere of influence?   May we ever seek to be the Aibileen Clark to those we know--may we go out of our way to tell them, "You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important."  

I Love You...Even If...

Oh so many years ago (21 as of September 9th, to be exact), I started dating this super cute and fun and amazing guy.  Honestly, I'd crushed on him for a few months, but he had a girlfriend.  Operative word being HAD.  And, so, as the Lord would have it, we went out.  And four days later, we had a DTR talk.  You know--Define The Relationship.  We dodged a bullet there because we agreed that we did NOT want to be in a relationship. Period.  End of story.  

Ironic, isn't it?  Because, as they say, the rest is history.  I can distinctly remember about 4 months into our non-dating relationship, I had a shocking realization.  Chris was not perfect.  I know! I could hardly believe it myself.  Because I was so head-over-heels with this guy that I was not dating but with whom I spent every free moment.  I could just hardly believe he was putting up with me.  And then, I realized that he had some faults.  Minor ones, of course.  But, there they were.  I can vividly remember sitting in my bedroom at my apartment at Baylor and mulling this over.  As I sat there on my bed thinking it through, I had a very distinct thought.  I believe it was that still small voice of God nudging me.  "So, what are you going to do about this?  Are any of these things deal-breakers?  Because you have to decide.  Choose to love him even if these things never change...or decide it's time to walk away."

Obviously, y'all are NOT kept in suspense as to what happened--seeings how I married the guy and gave birth to his children and all. But, I think I realized at that fork in the road that something was different THIS time.  Because THIS time, I chose to love.  I chose to pursue it to wherever it led.  I knew there was something incredible about Chris, so worth everything I might commit to him. And, thank the Lord that I did!  I made a very distinct and clear choice to push on, accepting Chris for who he was.  While I had a feeling that he might be THE ONE, I didn't know for sure that I would indeed love him till death do us part.  

While I was camping out in Psalm 103 today, this whole situation came to mind.  I was reading verses 13-18:

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
   so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
   he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
   they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
   and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
   the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
   and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
   and remember to obey his precepts.   

Here's the thing.  God knows our faults and weaknesses and shortcomings even better than we do.  He sees it all.  He knows our lives are but fleeting days on this earth.  He knows our stubbornness and our tendencies because he knows exactly how we are formed--all the good, the bad and the ugly.  

And, He, too, stood at a crossroads.  Are any of our faults deal-breakers?  Could He love us--even if these things didn't change?  Could he accept us, warts and all?  And, He answered a resounding YES when He sent His son to die on the cross so that our sins could be removed as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  In fact, His love is so big that it's hard to even comprehend--it's from EVERLASTING to EVERLASTING, pouring out on generations to come after us.  

INTENTIONAL challenge:  I don't know about you, but I all too often focus on my failings instead of God's love.  I see my shortcomings instead of resting in His great love.  I am realizing again and again lately that I don't really KNOW and believe Him for his great love.  That is why I don't always live like I'm loved.  Oh, that I could grasp how wide, how deep, how long, how high the Father's love for me is (Ephesians 3:18)!  I am asking Him to help me grasp it--to let me float in the ocean of his unending love--and be changed by the reality of how great His love for me is...even if.

HEY! I'm Right Here

A couple weeks back, I blogged about how we Americans tend to use the word "just" in our prayers.  Frequently.  I must say, it has been an interesting exercise to try to break this habit and retrain my brain to ask God for MORE--and not "just."  And, it has caused me a lot of reflection on other phrases we tend to overuse in our prayers.  I find the Tim Hawkins bit on Christian-ese and phrases we say in our prayers hilarious.  If you aren't familiar with him, Tim Hawkins is a Christian comedian, and our family LOVES him.  He does this whole thing about how we say things like, "bless the hands that prepared it...just the hands, not the whole body."  Or, how about the way we pray "for a hedge of protection?"  Does the devil respond that we've learned his secret weakness--landscaping?

Although I laugh at this, the truth is that our prayers lives are serious business.  They are the lifeline to staying connected to our Heavenly Father.  And, the sad reality is that we do tend to repeat these phrases and cliches out of tradition and habit, rather than pursuing an honest and direct dialog with our Abba.  So, I've been pondering some other ways that I need to challenge myself in regard to my prayer life and conversation with God.

One particular habit I am trying to break is that of asking God to be with me.  You know, we pray that all the time--for ourselves and for others.  With today being the first day of school, it is generally my habit to pray like this, "Lord, just be with my kids as they go to school."  Or like yesterday when a Life Group member shared how her father is dealing with cancer.  We might pray that God would be with him through that chemotherapy.

Duh.  News flash.  God IS with them.  I can picture him shaking his head and sighing as he says, "HEY!  I am RIGHT HERE!"  He promises!

The LORD himself goes before you 

and will be with you; 

he will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  

Deuteronomy 31:8

It's kinda like sitting with a friend at lunch and inviting them to lunch.  HELLO!  As I've thought through this, I've come up with this alternative--because I think it really gets to the heart of the matter.  How about asking Him to give us EYES to see how He is with us?  Or pleading with Him to remove the distractions so that we FEEL and KNOW He is near?  Ears to hear His still small voice?  Or as we intercede for others, ask that He would manifest His presence through the words and touch of those around that person so that they are blessed with those "love notes" of His constant presence?  What about asking Him to blow our minds and touch our hearts with an overwhelming awareness of the ways He is working on our behalf?

INTENTIONAL challenge:  The older I get, the more importance I place on authenticity and genuineness.  I'm growing ever weary of the masks we wear or the rote things we do simply because we always have.  My hunger for a deep, authentic, no pretenses relationship with my Lord and with others is growing as I age.  And, thus, I am reflective of those ways I want to change.  I have learned through my years of Bible study (thanks, Beth Moore, for being used by God) that praying God's word is probably one of the most powerful ways we can transform our prayer lives.  So, how about you  join me in praying this verse that I came across today?  Instead of asking God to be with us or others--what if we pray this:

He made known his ways to Moses,

his deeds to the people of Israel.

Psalm 103:7

   

Lord, make your ways and deeds KNOWN to us today, so that we can know with no doubt that you are indeed with us, as you promised us you would be!

Frugal Friday--Conquering the Paper Mountain, 1 Binder at a time

With school starting on Monday, I am starting to twitch about those Monday folders--and all those papers.  The endless papers.  More papers--on top of the junk mail, bills, and other random and endless mountain of papers.  And, while at first glance a blog post about managing that mountain may not seem to be about saving money, but think again.  Of course, our time is money--and if you are like me, you know that losing a bill or a notice from the school about monies due can cost you dearly.  So, read on, and I will share the system that works for me.

This is the corner of my kitchen desk.  I used to have a different basket, but once I moved to a multiple binder system, I decided to organize my binders vertically--with the spines showing--and that would make me happy.  Of course, it'd make my perfectionistic and slightly obsessive self happier if the font on all 4 binders were the same.  Curse that recent coupon binder....

So, here's how things work.  My school binder has a section for each child.  For me, the key to a fabulous binder and successful binder system is the sturdy plastic pocket dividers.  Exhibit A, see below.

Those sturdy pockets go a long way to storing the kids' schedules and such.  Oh, and you gotta have a great 3 hole punch handy.  So, when my kids' papers come home, if they are things that we need to just keep up with and not necessarily fill out and send back, they go in the school binder, in that child's section.

If the children's papers are things I need to read and sign and return, I use a trick I learned at a MOPS meeting.  I write the due date in the top right corner in red ink.  Those things go in the task binder.  My task binder is where I go to check on urgent things, not-so-urgent things, and things that I just need to read.  Of course, each of these sections have the plastic pocket dividers to keep up with all the appropriate papers.

If the children's papers are things we need to post for THEIR benefit (such as directions to a school project), it can go in the school binder OR on their bulletin board in the laundry room.

This is also where all invitations are placed--a board for each child, and a board for us.  

The 3rd binder is my coupon binder, and I will dive into that more in depth on the next Frugal Friday.  I have recently moved my coupons from an accordian file to a binder, and it is so working for me!  As well as my new Grocery list app on my iPhone.  So, be looking for that post next Friday.

As for the 4th of my binder system, it is the family binder.  I first got this idea years ago from my friend Amy, and it is where this binder thing began.  The family binder includes a section where ALL bills are placed in the plastic pocket divider.  Being who I am, I have created a spreadsheet that lists all our regular monthly bills and their due dates, which goes behind the bill divider.  I use this to check off the bills when I pay them to be sure I don't forget any.  The other sections in the family binder are for flex plan receipts and a section for papers my husband needs to read.  I also have those little plastic business card sleeves to keep up with the business cards of our doctors, repairmen, etc.  

Here's the thing.  I can easily grab my task binder or my family binder on my way to an appointment or to sit and wait for the kids somewhere.  While I am just sitting, I can pay bills on my phone or accomplish my tasks. 

So, there you have it.  My approach to tackle the mountain of paperwork.  To lay it out again, it goes like this:

1.  School papers to keep go in the SCHOOL BINDER.

     --section for each child

2.  School papers to read, or fill out and return have the due date written in the top right corner and go in the TASK BINDER.  Mail that we receive that requires me to do something with it goes in this binder also.  

    --sections for urgent, not so urgent, read, and keep

3.  School papers that my children need to reference (as well as invitations) go on the appropriate person's bulletin board.

4.  Bills, flex plan receipts, and papers for my husband to read go in the FAMILY BINDER, in the appropriate section.

When I get the mail or school papers, I try to sort them immediately into the appropriate location.  Obviously, junk mail and other papers to trash go right into the recycling bin.  This pretty well keeps me on top of it all.  On a really busy day, I might stack papers and mail, but then it doesn't take long on the next day to climb Mount Paper.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  This is the system that works for me.  You may need to tweak it for yourself--maybe your favorite gadget ISN'T a label maker?  But, hopefully, I've offered some tidbit you'll find useful.  May your paper mountain be ever small...and by all means, understand if I can't answer the phone on Monday afternoons.  I'll be conquering those Monday folders.

I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

Writer's Note:  This last week of summer has me cramming in as much fun with kids as possible...which means this blog will return to it's regularly scheduled daily programming next week.
  
I had one of those "read it a million times but something new jumped out at me" moments when I was reading a story in my Bible a few weeks ago.  In fact, if my memory serves me right, my bedtime Bible story tape cassette (that would be an old fashioned CD) had the story of Paul and Silas in prison [Acts 16].  Which would mean I heard that story approximately 976 times between the ages of 5 and 7.  Yet, as only God could do, something HUGE hit me right between the eyes that I had never considered. 

Sometimes, life seems to move and shake us like an earthquake.  We feel the earth move under our feet.  Life feels unstable.  We feel shaken and upset and unsettled.  Maybe you even feel as though your life is a natural disaster and the ripple effects go on and on.   Perhaps you see and feel nothing but destruction all around you.  

But, sometimes life requires an earthquake.  It may be that those circumstances that shake you can serve a bigger purpose.  Because maybe, just maybe, the earthquake can break open the cell that imprisons you.  Maybe a stronghold of fear or perfectionism or an addiction has shackled you.  Maybe you are so bound up that you might as well be exactly like Paul and Silas--locked up with no escape.  Maybe the future seems dim and you don't know a way out of the pit you are in.

And then--just then, the next thing comes at you and it feels like an earthquake.  I can nearly picture Paul and Silas groaning and saying, "Ever had one of THOSE days?" when that earthquake hit.  Must have felt like the straw that broke the camel's back.  I mean, they were imprisoned for doing God's work, and they even responded well--singing hymns and praising God.  Then, Acts 16:26 says that a VIOLENT earthquake shook the very foundations of the prison.  I can imagine they were huddled on the floor.  Maybe afraid?  Maybe at a point of surrender and faith?  I wouldn't blame them for however they reacted or responded.  Maybe you are responding to your earthquake--your faith shaken--with fear or frustration, nearly huddled in fetal position in a corner.  Or maybe you are singing hymns and praising God in spite of all that is changing or moving around you.  

Either way...be encouraged by this.  At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose (Acts 16:26b).  Let me encourage you.  God may just be using that earth moving circumstance to break open your prison doors and loose your chains.  Meditating on this over the last few days, I realized a few things in my own life.  When my dad died and things went south in my life, the earth was shaking.  But you want to know what happened--in hindsight?  I was being freed from some long standing anxiety and other self-made prisons.  Or how about when I miscarried my first pregnancy and was told I'd miscarry again?  I was being freed from the chains of trying to be in control, learning to trust the Lord.  Or most recently--this whole Botox overdose fiasco?  Being released from over activity and over commitment. Not to mention being freed from taking certain things for granted. These are just a few examples.  Truly, I could go on and on with more stories.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  Sometimes, I feel I can hardly see past my circumstances.  You know, that old expression--"Oh, I'm doing pretty good under the circumstances."  As I once heard someone say--what on earth are we doing UNDER the circumstances?  It's like hiding under a desk during an earthquake and never coming out.  How about let's get out from under it and ask God to give us eyes to see how He can work through those earthquakes?  Why don't we plead with Him to give us a vision of the prisons he is seeking to break open for us?  I can choose to either see a bum deal, imprisonment and natural disasters.  Or, I can ask for eyes to see a movement of God.

Frugal Friday--Kitchen Re-do (On a Budget)

I am way. over. oak.  Sorry, fans of oak.  But my last house had oak floors, oak cabinets, oak everything.  And to show my age, when we bought our first home, you matched your woods.  Or at least that was my interpretation of the home decor style.  You didn't mix and match oak with say, cherry wood.  I know, I know.  If you are young--like the newlyweds we teach--then that sounds crazy.  But, trust me on this one.

So, as much as I love what we call our "grown up" house that we bought three years ago, I didn't love the oak cabinets.  I tried painting the walls and adding my personal touches elsewhere.  But, as often happens with me, the longer I looked at them, the more unhappy I became because I could just picture something better.  Due to budget constraints, our best option seemed to be re-painting the cabinets ourselves.  Not for the faint of heart!  But with the encouragement of a sweet friend who had tackled this project more than once in the past, we dove in.   


Take in the "before"--

 The former owners of our house did a beautiful job putting in solid surface counters and a tile backsplash.  But trust me--those oak cabinets jeered at me with their orange-ish undertone.  


Our first stop was Lowe's, where we spent $200 for sandpaper, primer, paint, glaze, rollers, paintbrushes and hardware for the doors and drawers.  Not too bad, and quite a savings when we heard that the LEAST someone had spent having their cabinets professionally done was about $1000--and that did not include the antiquing process that I did.


The work process included hours with an electric sander, priming with a brush, a coat of paint with a brush, a second coat of paint with a roller, and then several hours with a teeny tiny brush to antique the cabinets.  The antiquing was tedious--brush on the glaze on 3 edges per door, wipe with a dry cotton cloth, then clean up and wipe with a wet paper towel.  Whew!  But, I think it was well worth it. 


What do you think?

I love how bright and crisp it looks.  Choosing the paint color was agonizing, but I ultimately decided to try to match our bright white trim and doors in the house.  Someday, we'll be putting in a darker floor.  The former owners did NOT have 3 small children when they chose off white floor tiles.  I think it'll be the perfect final touch.  


The best part of this project was the sense of accomplishment.  Chris and I have been gun shy about painting cabinets for years--we wanted to do this in our old house but never had the guts to go for it.  I'm really glad that we finally did.  As my mother-in-law said--it's just paint!  But, what a difference a little elbow grease and paint can make. 

Beautiful the Mess We Are

Whilst painting our kitchen cabinets over the last week, I learned some very important things.  For instance, there are approximately 546 shades of white to choose from.  Sanding is not fun.  Priming is important--but also not fun.  For that matter--not much of it was fun to me, actually.  Hanging with a dearest friend who gave up her whole Saturday to help--that was fun.  Tackling something with my husband that we've wanted to do for years--also fun.  Living with the mess in process--way beyond NOT FUN.  I didn't love having my kitchen table in my living room.  Or my cabinet items on my dining room table.  Seemed strange to say, "Caris, if you need a fork, go look through the dining room table."  Or how about searching for a checkbook to pay the tile guy by digging through upteen grocery sacks full of drawer items?

It. Made. Me. Crazy.  In fact, I think today proves that I am still suffering from PRSD--post repainting stress disorder.   But, the biggest lesson I am still wrapping my brain around is the epiphany that I struggle because of how I see myself.  I see a mess.  I see my failures.  I see my shortcomings.  (why, yes, I am a perfectionist!  how could you tell?).  I drive myself crazy by second guessing myself.  In my roughest moments, it's a bit like an out of body experience.  I can see myself doing something I know I will regret, but that still doesn't seem to stop the madness.  Then, of course, comes the regret.   Glad to know that Paul--author of much of the New Testament--had much the same struggle when he wrote about doing that which he doesn't want to do and not doing what he knows he should. 

I cried the first time I heard Amy Grant's Better Than a Hallelujah. The verses are brutal enough, but this chorus?

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

 

BEAUTIFUL the mess I am?  Yeah, right.  I mean, I can appreciate progress and effort in my children and everyone else around me (my husband is pretty much a saint, so that's why he's not in that last statement).  But, I know the mess in my own head and heart.  And, I hate the mess.

Coincidentally--or more accurately--as God would have it, I am currently reading The Shack.  I find I have to stop every few pages and just marinade in it.  But, during our kitchen project, I just so happened to be on the part where Mack and Sarayu were working in the garden--the crazy, wild garden. Mack says, "I mean, look at this mess...but it really is beautiful and full of you, Sarayu.  Even though it seems like lots of work still needs to be done, I feel strangely at home and comfortable here."  And Sarayu responds, "And well you should, Mackenzie, because this garden is your soul.  This mess is you...and it is wild and beautiful and perfectly in process.  To you it seems like a mess, but I see a perfect pattern emerging and growing and alive."

Wowzers.  See, here's the thing.  I saw my kitchen--well actually, my whole downstairs, and I felt nearly frenzied with what felt like a very urgent NEED to get it finished.  Back to that saintly husband who so sweetly withstood me being a woman obsessed.  The timeline kept changing, and all I could do was keep calculating when it could be over.  Chris said that he felt we were on track, and we had accomplished much.  But, all I saw was the mess and disorder and chaos.  My friend, Sherry, was ever encouraging me as we primed and painted with how great it was going to look and how the counter tops would pop against the white cabinets or other such observations.  She had a vision beyond the mess.

But, I was unable to look at how far we'd come or really see the vision of what was ahead.  All I saw was the mess.  Oh, I can extend grace to others.  My children, for example.  I can stop and see how far they've come or even envision the joy of seeing them grow up to serve the Lord.  But, I cannot seem to extend this grace to myself.  Because all I see is the mess.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  Boy, I don't "just" need God to adjust how I see myself.  I need a major remodel.  I need Him to rescue me to complete freedom from these blinders that see just the mess.  I need Him to blow my mind and remold my heart so that I am encouraged by how far He's brought me.  I need Him to give me mega-memory of the victories He's won for me.  I need Him to let me soar with the joy of the final vision of who I'll be on the other side of heaven.  I need Him to demolish some strongholds and give me His eyes to see the process--that I am perfectly in process, as Sarayu says.  I need Him to engrave the truth of Philippians 1:6 on in my brain and on my soul--"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."   If this hits a nerve in you, will you cry out with me--"Lord!  Give me JOY in the journey!  Give me PEACE in the process!  Give me HOPE of the future!  Give me GRACE for the mess of myself. Give me eyes to see the beauty there."

A Just Cause

Recent conversations with our friends, Jake and Suzanne, have been so fascinating to us.  They just came off the mission field after two years in France.  And, how we love that darling "souvenir" they brought home, baby Asher.  We are also loving our chance to return the baby sitting favors for all the years both Suzanne and Jake have thus far invested in our little sweeties.

Chris and I are both intrigued by the insight and revelations that our friends gained from their time overseas.  I am of the firm belief that we Americans tend to be so egocentric that we are lacking in a global awareness.  So, I could sit for hours listening to what was learned from living among the French. For instance, a few weeks ago, Jake told us how frequently Americans tend to use the word "just" in our prayers.  He never noticed this, of course, until someone in France pointed it out to him.  He broke the habit while there, and was startled upon his arrival home to the States when he noticed this with fresh perspective.

Ever since then, the use of the word "just" in prayers has stood out to me like a sore thumb.  And, as always, it got me thinking.  I think I've about decided that this may be a reflection of a very deep problem.   In my own prayer life, I think it shows how I tend to box God in and shrink him down.  In other words, I only believe Him for a tiny something--not the whole thing.

Something like this:
"Dear Lord, I just come to you and ask that you bless our Life Group time today.  Just help us to see you in a new way, and just meet us here.  In Jesus name, A-men."

I might as well be saying this:
"Dear Lord, I will only come to you and ask that you bless our Life Group time today.  Only help us to see you in a new way, and it's okay if you only meet us here.  In Jesus name, A-men."

But, why not this?
"Dear Lord, I seek you and plead with you today that you bless our Life Group time today in ways that you never have.  Don't just let us see you in a new way, but blow our minds with fresh insight that changes who we are.  Don't just meet us here--connect with our hearts in life changing ways!  In Jesus name, A-men."

Why are we so polite and formal with God that we feel we can only ask "just" for some tiny thing?  Why are we so timid that we ask but with a "just" clause--like a loophole to let God off the hook.  Aren't we instructed to "approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16)?  Are our prayer lives a reflection of our willingness to keep our relationship with God safe and on the surface?  Does it prove our willingness to live a polite and mediocre faith?  The kind of faith that never challenges, never pushes, never offends, and never gets radical?

I wonder what would happen if we all sought to break the habit of asking the Lord for "just" [fill in the blank]?  What if we pour out our hearts in deep-on-our-knees pleading?  What if we quit being polite with God but started being real?  What if we truly did approach the throne of grace with the kind of confidence that might better be described as storming the Throne Room of heaven?  What if we didn't just ask God to give the doctors wisdom but we begged and pleaded in a prostrate position for the health and well being of our loved ones?  What if we laid ourselves out and let the Spirit intercede for us with groanings too deep for words--allowing ourselves to truly feel the anguish of this ministry of the Spirit, sitting quietly in the uncomfortable moment? 

INTENTIONAL challenge:  I am challenging myself to eradicate the use of the word "just" in my prayers.  I am challenging myself to ask the Lord for MORE, for ALL that is on my heart.  I am challenging myself to quit being so polite, so formal with my Lord.  I am challenging myself to quit being timid but to get BOLD in my prayer life--to get REAL and to truly believe Him for more than the "just" or "only" in life.  I triple dog dare you to "just" join me in my just cause.

Frugal Friday--No Cost Ways to Update your Home Decor

I am currently on a kick to update my home decor.  I mean, we have lived in this house for 3 years.  About time to change some things up.  I was so happy with the outcome of Caris' room re-do that I want to keep it going.  In fact, as I type this, my darling husband is sanding our kitchen cabinets.  I have despised the orange-ish glow of the oak cabinets since we bought the house, so we are finally diving into the repainting project.  While it's a rather inexpensive project, I have 5 ideas to share with you for freshening up your home decor for FREE!

1.  Rearrange your furniture.  I feel as though I am stating the obvious on this one.  But we can get so stuck in having our couch exactly where it always has been or our bed in that particular spot that we don't even consider anything else.  You might want to grab a friend to help you on this one.  Because they may see options that you haven't even considered.   My friend Holly asked me about moving our bed in front of the window in our master bedroom.  Gasp.  A bed in front of a window?!  But, guess what?  It looks awesome!  It barely covers up any of the window, and the curtains flanking the window frames the headboard so nicely.  

2.  Switch out the photos in your frames.  People see the photos in their frames so often that they don't really even SEE them anymore.  But, swap them out, and your eyes find something new to take in.  It really is a great FREE way to update your look a bit.

3.  Shop in your own home.  Go through each room and find knick knacks, frames, or even wall decor that you might want to switch around to a different room.  Don't forget the curtains!  Again--my brilliant friend Holly realized how awesome our formal living room curtains would look in our living room.  They were perfect.  Look in your attic or garage, too, for items that you aren't currently using.  If you feel they're outdated, then grab some spray paint. 

4.  Less is more.  Try a little de-cluttering for a new look.  I don't have a TON of knick-knack things around my house, but if you do, then you might want to remove your least favorite things.  I've found that even if I clean out drawers or closets--which no one else will see--I still feel better about my house.  It functions better, so my feelings about my home improve, too.


5.  Bring in the nature. Now, here in drought stricken Texas where we are hitting actual temperatures of 110 day after day, this little bit of advice is not very practical.  About the only thing growing in my backyard these days is the poisonous sumac.  However, in cooler days, I enjoy looking at the roses or other flowers growing in our yard.  And, for some reason, I tend to forget about clipping them to enjoy in a vase INSIDE the house.   Fresh flowers are a great way to freshen up your home decor--and the great thing is you don't have to spend a dime!  If you, too, have only dead plants outside, it might be worth a try to grab some pretty branches, possible spray paint them, and put them in a tall vase in the corner.  Or how about some pine cones in a glass container?  


With just a dash of creativity and absolutely no money, you can do many things to bring some new life to your home.  Got some other ideas?  Please post a comment below and share your secrets.  Now, off to sand these cabinets--which I swear are multiplying as I sit here typing.

Conform? Or Deform?

One of my favorite TV shows is Biggest Loser.  I love seeing the transformation of the contestants.  I mean, sure the physical transformation is amazing, but it is the mental and emotional transformation that really intrigues me.  And, I am always curious when contestants have a hard time seeing themselves as they are now.  Their self-image is so deformed by how they WERE.  And, I realized today that I am JUST like them!

Our life group is currently going through some curriculum from Lifeway, and I can't quit thinking about how the author describes our struggle as believers.  He says that Christ wants to CONFORM us to his image, while the enemy wants to DEFORM us from Christ's image.

I just love that play on words and how it paints a picture of our struggle to live for Him.  Romans 12:1-2 says:

¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, 

in view of God’s mercy,

to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, 

holy and pleasing to God—

this is your true and proper worship.  

² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Then you will be able to test 

and approve what God’s will is—

his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

This is one of my favorite verses to summarize our role in the ongoing process of sanctification--to use a big churchy word.  Our job is to be careful to not conform to this world--to guard ourselves against the influence of this world.  And as we take out the worldly influence, we are to continually renew our mind by soaking it in the Word and through prayer.  THEN, God is able to transform us. 

But it is the influence of this world is the rub.  John 10:10 says that the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.  He is in the business of DEFORMING us.  And, once we are covered by Christ's blood, if satan can't deform us, all he really has to do is convince us we are still deformed. He warps our soul-image so that we see only the ugly of before--and we can't begin to embrace the transformation of becoming a new creation.   Much less the ongoing transformation that happens as we continually become more conformed to Him.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  What about you?  Am I the only one who struggles with seeing only my failures and shortcomings--all those deformities?   Am I the only one who looks at myself and wrestles to embrace the FREEDOM and progress from past strongholds?  It's as though I have to squint my eyes and think really hard in order to see all the ways that Christ has been conforming me--all the baby steps in transformation.  Won't you join me in asking the Lord to give us His eyes so that we see what He's doing in us?  And, while we're at it--let's ask Him to give us eyes to see the deceit about our deformities--to see it for what it really is.  That is--what is no longer.

Jesus Dust

Last week, we had some friends over for dinner.  Those special kind of friends that you've known for years and have shared history with--and the kind of friends who can be completely yourself with.  They have recently been walking through a very stressful season, marked by much uncertainty.

As our conversation continued, they talked about the frustration of hearing from well meaning friends who threw a general Christian cliche or Scripture passage their way and then moved along their own merry way.  Don't get me wrong, they appreciated the general kind intent of these friends, but they find these gestures rather empty as far as easing their pain and anxiety.  

I know just what they mean.  I can remember my conflict when such niceties were thrown my way during my season of grief.  On the one hand, I knew such friends to be concerned and kind in general, and I appreciated that they had no idea exactly what to say.  At least they were trying.  But on the other hand, their attempts so missed the mark that I felt frustrated by it.  I laughed in complete understanding when my friend said, "I know they mean well, but it feels as though they just want to throw a little Jesus dust my way and head along.  What I really want is someone to sit and listen and allow me to share my feelings."

I've thought about this conversation many times since last week.  I've found myself thinking through my own interactions.  Have I wanted to just throw a little "Jesus dust" at a friend, hoping it'll make some magical quick difference so that I don't really have to get involved?  Or, am I willing to be like that Casting Crowns' song Love Them Like Jesus?

Rejoice with those who rejoice;  

mourn with those who mourn.

Romans 12:15

I know I've written about this before.  But, I think it's worth repeating.  We are called to share in the emotions of those around us--and it's dirty work.  It's not some quick pixie dust thrown from afar.  It's continual and ongoing.  Sometimes, it IS celebrating right along with a friend. But, those celebrations and seasons of laughter are usually much sweeter when you have also grieved and cried together.  It's not fun to mourn--but we have to remember that mourning alone is even worse.

Feel free, of course, to share a Scripture that you think might encourage your hurting friends.  But, take it a step further.  Pray that Scripture for them--or even better, WITH them.  Don't bring a conversation to a quick end, but take the time to end it with a heartfelt prayer.  Let them talk.  And if necessary--talk and talk and talk.  What is more important than relationships?  Be a safe place for them to fall.  Again and again and again.  Be committed to the rough rocky road and assure them that while you have no magic words to erase the pain, you will walk WITH them through it all.  You will see it through with them.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  I am writing this blog post for myself as much as anyone.  I can be so preoccupied with my own wailing that I tune out the crying next to me.  It's much easier to throw some Jesus dust in their general direction.  But, we have to remember that easy-to-remember Bible verse--you know, Jesus wept.  Jesus felt his own emotion and allowed it to bubble over and weep with his friends Mary and Martha in their moment of grieving.  Oh, he knew what was coming next and the happy ending ahead.  But, he took time to do something very important--he mourned with those who mourned.   So, pull up a chair and sit a spell with the hurting.  That is kingdom work.

Graying as I Age

I make no secret of the fact that a few years ago, Clairol Nice 'N Easy #117 became my best friend.  We meet up about every four weeks, and while my wonderful hair stylist could make my hair look way better, my at-home-color fits my budget.  Yes indeed, I am graying as I age.  But, I am also graying in other ways.

You see, I tend to see things in black and white.  Or, at least that has always been my leaning.  Don't misunderstand me--I believe in absolute truth more than ever, firmly rooted in God's Word and His best plans for our lives.  But, the older I get, the more I realize that sometimes life is just not so easily defined because many shades of gray exist.  

For instance, I used to see life as a Christian as this nifty "before" and "after" picture.  As a perfectionist, this was a rather self-defeating perspective.  Because it's not that simple.  You don't in one singular moment reach a point of never struggling with your flesh.  You may not have some amazing moment where the strongholds and bondage disappear and never reappear again.  That may be a "duh" thing to you.  But for me, it's a continual unraveling of my preconceived notions.  I am coming to see that wrestling with my sin nature is not defeat--but giving into it is.  And, just like Abraham--who may I remind you took matters in his own hands with that maidservant thing--moving ever toward God is counted as faithfulness.  Moments of failing are not forever marked on some heavenly scoreboard.  I am not expected to be "right" or else I am wrong.  But, I am asked to continually strive forward, surrendering moment by moment.

I remember a conversation with my cousin Megan about a friend who was seeking God, and on their "journey."  I loved how Megan expressed this idea.  Our life on earth is a journey, and we should be ever seeking to walk closer to Him--to love Him and know Him each day should be my constant goal.  Her friend was continually embracing the idea of following Christ, and the moment of complete surrender to Him as Lord may not have been at one exact moment, but rather defined by a process.  We use these terms such as "point of salvation."  But, some people work out their faith in a more fluid motion rather than a dot on a line.  I think this is particularly true for those who make a decision to follow Christ as a child.  Their faith walk may include a very distinct moment of surrender, but they are continually working out that faith as they develop and mature.  Then again, really--aren't we all?  Sanctification is indeed a PROCESS including a lot of gray rather than a before and after.  There is freedom in living with the truth that my complete "after" comes only in heaven.  That's not an excuse to sin, but rather the freedom of grace.

And, one other major area of gray that is completely hitting me over the head lately is that people are way too complex to be pigeon holed with labels.  I know, I know--maybe that is "duh" to you.  Call me slow.  But, I feel that a lasting effect of the Christian bubble I grew up in was to see things in an "us" and "them" mentality.  It's not easy to admit, but I would venture to guess that many believers struggle with a mental hierachy of "sin."  I believe that the church today is still wrestling with the idea of "respectable" or "acceptable" sin--and those who fall outside those pretty little packages.  But, the truth of it is that things are rarely that simple.  And, we ALL fall short of the glory of God.  We ALL needed a Savior.  So, I think we need to get off our high horse and stop and realize a few things. 

There are no "untouchables" in God's economy.  Christ's ministry was an extension of His love.  We are drawn to repentence by His lovingkindness.  But, yet, we are, as a whole, are all too often stuck in our little white washed tombs and thus unwilling to get our hands dirty with the "least of these."  If you read Same Kind of Different As Me by Denver Moore and Ron Hall, then you may have caught a glimpse of this.  Denver--a homeless ex-con--was in many ways more honest in his journey toward Christ than Ron, the proper church goer.  

Due to some recent relationships, I am struck with this reality.  Those with labels--even rap sheets--that I may be prone to look down upon are someone's daughter, son, mother, father, brother.  They had dreams and they have feelings--just like me.  And, they want many of the same things that I want.  I gotta look past the cover to REALLY see the book.  The truth is that we have more in common in this human experience than I am sometimes willing to admit.  The truth is that there, but for the grace of God, go I.  The truth is that many people start down a slippery slope, first wrestling with "respectable sins."  And, then they slip into a downward spiral to that place that many see as too far gone.  Except there is no such thing.  And, if I am going to be the hands and feet of Christ, I must be willing to go there--wherever there might lead me.

INTENTIONAL challenge:  While I don't particularly love my gray hairs, I have to admit that graying in other areas is a good thing.  I believe that God's Word is absolute truth written in black and white.  And, I am coming to understand that embracing the shades of gray is an exercise in both accepting grace and extending it.  Allowing the Lord to open your eyes to the depth of his love and mercy means opening your eyes to gray also.  Will you gray with me?