If you have read this blog for a day or two, then you know I am wrapping up the study of Kelly Minter's No Other Gods. While I have never met Kelly, I must say I am intrigued with how she knows me?! Like, for instance, when she is talking about the difference between surrender and trust. She gives an example of a little girl who surrenders to the command to sit in time out, but boldly proclaims, "I am STANDING on the inside!" Yep, that's me. I will surrender--or in my head--choose to do the "right" thing, or what I feel God wants me to do. But, inside, my heart attitude is standing up. It sums up that ultimate parenting goal--for my kids not just to surrender to my authority or other authority, but to follow with a heart attitude of trust.

In my homework this week, we read through Hebrews 11. Oh, how I love that chapter. While, unfortunately, I tuned out MOST of my dad's sermons as a distracted prideful teenager, I do vividly recall one on this chapter of Hebrews. Dad called it the Hallway of Faith Heroes. When I read about Abraham, Moses, Rahab, and Noah I find it easy to mentally place them on a superhero level and forget they were REAL people just like me. And, the one thing they all had in common? They all surrendered in their actions and trusted in their hearts. Now, we know they had their moments--like when Abraham and Sarah took matters in their own hands to have a baby. But, in the end, each of these faith heroes had that amazing combination of surrender AND trust.

I have been mulling that over and considering what needs to change in my own life to get that faith-filled combination down. Being the movie lover that you know I am, I think of a scene from Facing the Giants. You know when Brooke goes in to the doctor's office and is told that she is NOT pregnant--again? But, she comes out to her friend's car, and leans on the hood. Then, she tells the Lord that even if she never has a baby, she will love Him. THAT is surrender AND trust. Those two words sum it up so beautifully--"even if." Even if MY desires are unmet. Even if MY agenda is not followed. Even if MY wishes don't come true--I will STILL love the Lord and choose to follow.

How amazing to see this played out in the Hallway of Faith Heroes I've known. Even if this cancer ends in death, I will still choose to trust and love God. Even if this child is born into heaven rather than placed in arms. Even if this marriage falls apart. Even if this sickness never goes away. Even if no one goes with me. For Abraham--even if I must sacrifice my son. THAT is the point where surrender meets trust, and you allow God to reign in your heart and mind.

And, you know something I've seen again and again and again? Throughout Scripture and in my life time? When someone reaches that point of surrender clashing with trust? God reaches down and moves. For Abraham, that meant His son was saved. For some, that means their cancer goes away, their marriage is resurrected, their sickness goes away. And, for others, that means the peace they feel is beyond understanding and they experience God in a fresh and amazing way in the pit of their trials. All goes back to that basic Biblical principle. Obedience equals blessing. Sometimes it's the blessings we dream of and hope for. And, sometimes it's a blessing by God's design when we discover that He is enough.

INTENTIONAL challenge: With all this running through my head this last weekend, I got real with God on Saturday. I told Him that even if my neck was never the same again, I would choose to trust Him and look for His purposes in this. I told Him I would trust Him. Ya want to know something? Sunday, I felt a fresh hope and peace. At church, I was prayed for, and I felt hope that God was in control--no matter how long this lasted or how it turned out. Since then, I have felt a turn-around in my health, and I give God all the glory and fame. Please hear me clearly. Surrendering and trust is not some mind game to get what you want from God. It's reaching a point of sincerely having your heart and head say EVEN IF, and trusting His purpose no matter the outcome. What are you wrestling with? What makes you say, "I am sitting here, but in my heart I am standing!" Can you finish wrestling it out with Him, and choose to say that you trust? And, then wrestle it out again and again as many times as necessary? I believe you will see God reveal Himself in amazing new ways when you do.