Midnight Snacks

7:25 AMHeather

Sleep was elusive. This has been a rather usual thing these last few months. I told my husband that as I am turning forty, I am falling apart. He assured me that he is confident I have a few good years left in me. So, Sunday night as I lay tossing and turning again, I checked myself with my habit of assuming that if God has me awake, I should be praying for someone. So, I asked Him to bring to mind who needed to be lifted up. As various people came to mind, I prayed for their specific needs. After about thirty minutes, I still felt a prompting--a sense that I was not doing what I was supposed to do. So, I got up and did what I rarely do--I went and got on my knees. There, I felt a flood of my own personal needs well up, and I began to lift them up in prayer. I was particularly wrestling through whether I had done the right thing for my children the day before, and about that time I heard a noise.

I got up to check, and saw that my oldest son was awake. His light was on with an opened book in his bed, and he had slipped into the bathroom. I waited for him and then asked if I could slip into bed with him. He seemed pleased by the offer, and so I climbed into his big bed and we snuggled up, turning off the lights. I'm no fool--when a middle schooler willing allows their mother some snuggle time, I am going to take advantage of that! After a few minutes, I felt hungry and asked Collin if he was, too. He seemed surprised at the suggestion to go downstairs for a snack. We slipped through the quiet and dark house like bandits on a secret mission.

Gathering our snacks and water cups, we went and sat in the dark living room. As we settled in, I had a sense that I was in the middle of making a memory. I envisioned a similar ritual for years to come when my grown children perhaps come to visit someday. And I was thrilled when my typically quiet son began to talk. And talk. And talk. He relived the particular incident that I was lamenting in prayer, and I knew God was instantly answering my questions. I don't know why I continue to be surprised when God swoops down from heaven to meet my needs. I think I am amazed that He is faithful when I am faithless. But, sure enough--my son was sharing his heart about the situation, and then surprised me with this specific statement. "Mama, you know what? I am glad that you weren't there because I wouldn't have wanted you to worry. And, our friends took really good care of us, and I was glad you were at home resting."

Well, there it is. Collin had no idea that minutes earlier I was on my knees asking the Lord to help me with a sense of failure because I was not there when my kids went through a rough patch. I was questioning my own response and wondering if I had done the right thing. And in our sleeplessness, Collin and I bonded over a midnight snack. He shared his feelings and thoughts, and seemed pleased to be in my company at that unexpected hour. What a gift!

INTENTIONAL challenge: Maybe someday I will learn that when I am weak, God WILL show up strong. Maybe someday I will remember all the times He has and then I will refuse to worry or be anxious but will automatically wait in expectation for Him to show up and fix it. I'd love for that to be my knee jerk reaction, instead of an emotional tug-of-war that ends in a pleading prayer and then His faithful response. Will you join me in waiting for that midnight snack that will satisfy your emotional and spiritual needs more than your physical ones?

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