Human Being...not Human Doing

9:43 AMHeather

I am a doer. I think I've established in some recent post (although I can't remember which one) about how I am a multitasker. I'd love to brag about all that busyness as though it were a great and wonderful thing. But, I think the older I get, the more I realize that it's not always an asset. To feel my worth is tied up in my accomplishments is a lie from the pit of hell--as my friends and I like to say. It's a strong hold and distraction from what really counts. It's being Martha instead of Mary--who chose wisely to sit at Jesus feet and fellowship. I feel as though God has worked on me in this area over the years, and I do feel the miracle of more naturally embracing the priority of investing in relationships over tasks. More and more naturally, I feel that tug to be a human BEING--just BEING with Him and with others instead of being a human doing.

But, apparently, I got a few things left to learn. Have you ever been in a season of in-between? You know, you've come past something big or some specific mission or job or such. And you are waiting. Just waiting for that next thing--that next mission, that next thing God has for you? I've been here for about 18 months and 20 days--but who's counting? Seeing my youngest off to kindergarten was like this pinnacle, this elusive "won't it be GREAT?" accomplishment. Imagine my surprise to learn that while this season DOES give me wider margins, it is not the utopia I imagined. I struggle with restlessness, aimlessness, and a search for purpose.

Now, please don't misunderstand. There are many things in my life that I KNOW are my purpose and I find great peace and joy from pursuing them--my family still needs me, my friends, my Life Group, my Art and Soul Craft Club, and as of this year--this blog! But there is this deep sense that God has something else. It just didn't come right when my baby flew off to school, as I thought it would. And, I'm coming to embrace and accept the fact that it might be years away--whatever it might be. I'm feeling challenged to embrace this season of waiting and accept it as "I've arrived at the destination"--even though my mind and heart race with ideas of things I'd love to be called to do. Maybe my plans are NOT God's plans? I'm learning to wait patiently.

The last few months I think God has amped things up to hit this message home. There's been a few minor detours and hiccups, hitting one after another. The effect is that I've not been fully operational. [insert deep, deep sigh here]. I feel silly complaining, as just this week I see friends assigned to strict bedrest for weeks on end, or being admitted to the hospital for a weekend of observation. I don't REALLY have anything to complain about. But, since we are friends here in blog world, I thought I'd share honestly about this season of waiting.

INTENTIONAL challenge: Waiting is the ultimate challenge of being when you are a doer. It's so passive, so frustrating. And, boy, does it remind me that He is control. It causes me to seek and pursue Him. It increases my prayer life. And it increases my dependence. These are all good things, to be sure. I am clinging to this particular verse:

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.
Isaiah 64:4

I don't really seem to have much choice here. I can be a Martha and make myself busy, busy, busy pursuing those things I dream about. Or, I can accept the challenge to choose wisely and just fellowship with Him. I can sit at His feet, and choose to stand on this promise that while I wait, He is acting. I have to choose to believe that He IS acting on my behalf, and in His due time, He will summon in the next season. What about you? Are you busy doing or being? Are you a Martha or Mary? Today, join me in sitting on your hands and waiting--pressing on to know Him and just being with Him. Put the to do list aside and make this your task today--to spend some time pouring out your heart to Him.

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