I'm the BIGGEST Mama Wimp

10:12 PMHeather

My heart was ripped from my chest today and flew away on an airplane. Now, that may sound a bit melodramatic, but I literally felt as though a piece of me was torn away, leaving a gaping wound. I was downward spiraling toward a panic attack and emotional meltdown as I watched my oldest walk down that jet way, flying unaccompanied for the first time. I am not kidding when I say that I was hardly breathing--I wanted to run past the gate agent, down the jet way myself, and grab my boy to bring him home with me.

And, then I thought how ridiculous I was being. "I am the biggest mama wimp!" But, I just couldn't help how I felt. I watched the ground crew replacing some part on the plane, near the wing, and wanted to scream through the window, "HEY! YOU BETTER DO THAT RIGHT! MY BABY IS ON THAT PLANE...ALL ALONE!" I was doing that pleading prayer thing, "God, go where I can't go. Be with him when I can't. Let the ride be smooth--no turbulence. Put someone nice by him. Let me feel calm. Go where I can't go, be with him where I can't...."

I decided I just couldn't leave--I had to watch that plane until it took off--as if under my watchful gaze, nothing could go wrong. I watched the plane being pushed back--is that some weird bump near the tail? I watched the pilot tests his wing flaps--yep, that's right mister. You better do all your pre-flight. Mama Bear is watching, and that is my first born cub on that plane.

Finally, the plane took off, and in an instant, disappeared into the fog. I finally turned, and walked toward the parking garage. Oh, it was brutal. I prayed my prayer out loud, running through it several times. Finally, I was ready to turn on my radio. "Your name is a strong and mighty tower...." I sang loudly, at the top of my lungs, comforted to remember how HE is my strong and mighty tower--even for wimpy moms. I laughed out loud when the next song started..."A mighty fortress is our God...."

I still felt as though I was breathing shallow, sorta holding my breath, and definitely holding back tears. I got to church, and sang LOUDLY during worship--clinging to my cell phone....an ETERNITY later, it rang, and I stepped into the hall. "Hey, Mom. I'm here!" I played it cool as I finally breathed a deep sigh of relief, not wanting him to hear any huge reaction from me.

Obviously, this is only the first of many such experiences. What if God calls my children to be missionaries halfway around the world? What if Collin really does join the military, and I have to send him to war? You better believe I'll be praying like crazy...in fact, I may just live on my knees. Thank the Lord that whatever comes, HE will be my strong tower--you better believe I'll be running to it!

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